There is no way to completely understand how complicated and heart-wrenching it can be to care for someone you love who is aging unless you've done it.
I believe I am blessed with an above-average sense of empathy, of feeling and understanding what people I interview are going through or have been through. I have always thought it made me a better writer (and human being).
But it wasn't until my mother was diagnosed with cancer in her mid-70s and I became one of her caregivers that I truly saw and felt the pressure of this role reversal: I was taking care of the person who took care of me. I wanted the best for her; I wanted to do my best for her.
Mom was never a great eater, so as we helped her handle the effects of chemo and radiation, we tried to also help her keep her strength up with temptingly good food. Sometimes that worked; sometimes it didn't.
I vividly recall driving the 300 miles one-way to Chicago, stepping into Mom's house and finding an almost-empty refrigerator. She just wasn't hungry, she said. At that time, she was still strong enough to go to the store with me, so I bundled her up and we headed out. I was tired, but what choice did I have? She needed help and that was why I was there (and to relieve my caregiving siblings).
I talked about food as we walked the aisles, things I knew she used to fix for all of us. Could I fix her a pot roast with potatoes? How about I make up a batch of her favorite rice pudding? Conversing like this seemed to inspire her and we planned menus for the days I was there and afterwards. And, when I was cooking, she always said the good smells emanating from her kitchen made her hungry. Plus, having someone sit down with her and chat during a meal really perked her up, made her eat more and enjoy it.
I reveal this because a local company, Home Instead Senior Care, has launched a new program called Cooking Under Pressure that is designed to help family caregivers who are cooking for their senior loved ones -- especially those with special dietary needs.
It's an issue that impacts more lives than I imagined. Research by the company, which provides caregivers who come to the home of seniors and perform tasks from grooming to cooking and running errands, estimates that there are about 26,500 households in St. Clair and Monroe counties alone that are currently caring for seniors.
I wasn't surprised to learn that about 83 percent of these family caregivers help with groceries or other errands, while 65 percent assist with meal preparation.
This program is based on new research that shows cooking for seniors with nutritional risks adds to the stress of family caregivers. Not a big surprise, but an important revelation for anyone juggling a career, husband and/or children and trying to build quality time into a week to spend with an aging parent.
Cooking Under Pressure resources include a free handbook and a specially designed website (www.foodsforseniors.com) with shopping tips, healthy food suggestions and recipes for a well-balanced senior menu. If you don't have a computer, you'll find some of the information and recipes here. And, if you need more information, contact one of the Home Instead Senior Care offices in Belleville, Collinsville and Columbia.
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