November 4, 2010 

I hate shopping.



I know that may come as a shock to some people, but it's true. And let me be specific – I hate clothes shopping. Don't get me wrong, I love to get new clothes, shoes and accessories but I don't like the work that goes with it. If I'm in the mall for more than an hour, I will be in desperate need of lunch, a snack or coffee break (Auntie Ann's or Starbucks, anyone?). Actually, seeing a movie in the middle of shopping is a nice break also.

If I could have a personal shopper who purchased things based on my size and preferences, that would be good a situation for me. Then I could try things on in the comfort of my own home, see if they go with other things I have and, most importantly, return or exchange any rejects. Unfortunately, I don't have a personal shopper (or even a personal assistant who could ship back all of my ill-advised online purchases). The closest thing I have is my friend Teresa, who I show purchases to and get a thumbs up or down before I cut the tags. But for now, I still piece together my wardrobe the old-fashioned way – schlepping through the mall and trying not to cry. My top 5 frustrations, in no particular order:

• Bad lighting – Do I really have that much cellulite? (I know I do, but I like to live in cottage cheese denial)

• Trying on jeans – This was bad enough until they invented "skinny jeans." Not that I've ever tried any on, but I have a deep fear a pair may accidentally get in the dressing room.

• Trying on bathing suits – I always, always take a sarong with me to the dressing room, because even I don't want to see my thighs.

• Long lines – after I've finally found something that fits, that I love and absolutely can't live without, there's a line 15 people long to buy it. OMG!

• Kids – mainly children throwing temper tantrums in a store, but also screaming (actually shrieking) kids at the play area of the mall can get on my already-frazzled nerves.

And, to be fair, shopping isn't always horrible. Sometimes, on that rare occasion, I will happen upon the most gorgeous pair of shoes. It feels like the heavens part and a light shines down on them...Ahhhhh. When they have them in my size and they fit, I'm filled with endorphins and I momentarily forget how much I hate shopping. At that moment, all is right in the world.

Because I have new shoes.

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