Q. Why does TV insist on airing infomercials -- sometimes hour after hour on a weekend? Do they really think that people will sit still for a 30-minute commercial that's nothing but PR hype? Aren't they wasting their money?
-- R.B., of O'Fallon
A. You're preaching to the choir here, R.B. Whenever I encounter an infomercial on my channel-surfing rounds, I'm gone long before I hear that first "But wait, there's more!"
I mean, I'm upset that KMOV-TV has axed its 5 p.m. Saturday local news in favor of infomercials. Instead of breathless prose about the latest heat wave, we now suffer through former acting hunk Robert Wagner shilling for Light Relief pain therapy. Just two E-Z payments of $39.95 -- if you order by midnight, of course.
But you can just bet that companies are counting on the old credo often attributed to P.T. Barnum: "There's a sucker born every minute." After all, advertisers aren't stupid. They aren't going to keep shelling out big bucks to buy expensive airtime if most people avoid watching them.
While you and I find them odious, apparently millions stick around to find out what more they might get if they call in the next 15 minutes.
Just ask A.J. Khubani, who has been one of the kings of the infomercial. In the past 20 years, this first-generation Indian immigrant has hawked his way to sales of 200,000 adhesive earlobe supporters, 3 million stick-on light bulbs and 3 million sets of portable stairs for dogs -- all things people never knew they needed until Khubani wormed his way into their psyche.
"They're not intending to make the purchase," he said in an ABC News profile. "But there's something about the commercial and the product and the pitch and the offer that compels people to pick up the phone and take out their credit card and make the call."
In a way, infomercials might be like a highway smashup -- awful, but you just can't turn your eyes away. If you hunt for Internet blogs, you actually can find viewers who seek out infomercials because they're comforting.
"Before I basically stopped watching TV, I LOVED watching infomercials," Windrinre wrote at about.com. "I just find them entertaining -- the same way I love low-quality sci-fi movies. It's the cheesiness, the overacting and generally the craziness of the product."
I found one sad woman who claimed to watch the same infomercial over and over. There's even a website devoted to reviews and ratings of infomercials -- infomercialwatch.com.
So the next time an idea like the PetZoom or Solar Animal Repeller hits you, go ahead, make your spiel. Who knows? Someday people might speak of it in the same reverential terms that we still honor "It slices! It dices! And, it juliennes, too!"
Q. I was wondering what I might be able to do with my old medicine bottles.
-- N.H., of Fairview Heights
A. About the only prescription I can legally offer is to take them to a nearby drugstore and have them recycled.
"We really can't (reuse) them because they have had medication inside of them," said Stephen Clement, of Copper Bend Pharmacy in Belleville, thinking of the drug residue that might be left behind.
"What we do with our old vials is we have a shredding bin. Once a month the shredding company comes in, picks them up and takes them to have them shredded and disposed of."
He said he would take them off your hands, or try returning them to your pharmacy and see if it will do the same. Otherwise, while I personally can't recommend it, you can visit bohemianrevolution.com/ways-to-reuse-old-prescription-bottles and see a variety of new uses for the old vials, from putting together a mini sewing kit to storing Barbie shoes. Be sure to clean them thoroughly.
Q. I know the Anglers Club has lakes off 158 before you get to Millstadt. Do you have contact information?
-- B.W., of Belleville
A. The latest number I have to hook them is 234-4082. Their clubhouse is at 6679 Roachtown Road
Today's trivia
How did the Ouija board get its name?
Answer to Sunday's trivia: Ken Burns in his "Baseball" documentary contended that the Washington Senators once considered signing Cuban leader Fidel Castro. But Yale professor Roberto Gonzalez Echevarria, who wrote "The Pride of Havana: A History of Cuban Baseball," says the oft-told tale is a fabrication. There is no record that Castro ever played, much less starred, on any team in his life except for an F. Castro pitching a 5-4 loss during an intramural game at the University of Havana in November 1946.
Send your questions to Roger Schlueter, Belleville News-Democrat, 120 S. Illinois St., P.O. Box 427, Belleville, IL 62222-0427 or rschlueter@bnd.com
