Theres been a long-standing argument that if women ruled the world, we would have much less war and violence. This is a dangerous argument to have in mixed company because inevitably there is one man obviously, the only unmarried one in the group who points out that women would be starting wars every time they had PMS. Ha-ha-ha. I think married men understand why I say this is dangerous. They know that you cant really tell just by looking at a woman if she has PMS. You only really know when a silly comment falls out of your mouth. And by then, its too late.
In reality, PMS is nothing to worry about from a global standpoint. War is something that requires daily focus. What kind of war can you truly hope to get going when you only feel like doing it 2 or 3 days a month? No, when it comes to the idea of a woman being more likely to start a war, I would be far more concerned about whether or not the world ever planned on having a 50% Off sale on shoes. Since thats not really feasible, I think its safe to say that women are no more likely to initiate any violent global mayhem than men.
On a much smaller scale, I do think that current statistics on college enrollment disparities along gender lines do seem to indicate that the office will be dominated by women in the future. As for myself, I can tell you that Ive never worked in an office where men were the majority. I can only imagine what the differences would be.
Right off the bat, I do know that in a male-dominated office, the thermostat would be covered in an inch of dust because it would NEVER have to be touched. It would be set once and forgotten about. My office is filled with women who range in age from mid-20s to....well, lets just say, a little bit beyond the mid-20s. The actual temperature means absolutely nothing to us. I can have icicles forming around my nose hairs and there will always be at least two women with a fan blasting away on their desks. Im at that age where a sudden hot sensation could be any number of things. It could be a hot flash, a rage-induced surge of adrenaline, or a broken thermostat. On the bright side, air conditioner repairmen should see this as job security because Im pretty sure thermostat switches were never meant to be toggled back and forth like a video game joystick.
One thing Ive come to learn over the years about a female-majority office is that when I walk into the room and see a crowd of women clustered in any part of the room, I know it means one of two things: baby or puppy. Never will you see a look of absolute indifference on a mans face like when theres a group of women standing around cooing about something. You could set the baby/puppy right in the middle of a mans desk and unless it spits up on his tie, a man will continue talking on his phone, whether theres actually someone at the other end of the line or not. On a personal note, while Im a sucker for both a baby and a puppy, I have to say that I prefer the puppy. Theyre much more likely to happily come to me and let me pick them up. I find some babies to be rather fickle and standoffish in this regard.
In contrast, when I walk into a room and see a group of men gathered around someones desk, it means one of two things: You Tube highlights of an amazing play in some sporting event or You Tube highlights of someone doing something stupid that results in a horrible injury. Again, on a personal note, Ill take the horrible injury every time.
The absolute worst thing about an office full of women is the difficulty to lose weight. This is because women love to plan buffets. A man is never going to think to himself, hey, next week is Jims birthday. I have that dip recipe that Im dying to make with my new Pampered Chef® hand blender. I used to think that the reason women love buffets is that we have some deep seated maternal need to feed others. Now I realize its because no matter what we might say to the contrary, we dont really want to see each other lose weight. Admit it ladies. When you wake up in the morning and you cant zip up your favorite jeans, you dont want to hear anyone yapping on about the two pounds they lost that week. Youd bake cookies yourself to sabotage everyone, except that you know youll eat half of the raw cookie dough while youre baking. But when someone else brings in cookies, youre more than happy to encourage everyone else to eat one. Think about it. Whats the first thing you say when someone else refuses to eat a cookie because theyre concerned about their weight? You tell them theyre skinny and shouldnt worry about their weight. What youre really thinking is, go ahead and eat one. Eat more than one. If I cant zip up my favorite jeans, why should anyone be able to zip up any of their pants? If I really wanted to be supportive, Id slap that cookie right out of your hand if I saw you pick it up. Of course, the down side to this idea is that, like men, I cant tell if you have PMS or not either; therefore, a maneuver like that is liable to get me killed.
I honestly do feel bad for men in the office. (Well, except for that earning more money than women thing, but I digress.)Deep down, men are very private people. What horror they must feel when they have to sit in a room full of women who have a tendency to over share. Yes, we are considerate enough to go into an empty conference room to call the gynecologist to schedule a pap smear. But other than that, we pretty much lay it all out there. Not only will we reveal delicate details about our own bodily functions, well share details about our kids bodily functions, our pets bodily functions and on an especially bad day, our parents bodily functions.
We also like to diagnose each others medical ailments. If we dont know the immediate answer, well pop onto the Internet and thoroughly exhaust every possibility there. Then while doing that, somehow well come across a picture of Brad Pitt without his shirt on and then share that with everyone. Then well look up more pictures of Brad until someone else claims that Ryan Reynolds looks better with his shirt off, which of course, prompts us to then look up several pictures of Ryan Reynolds. Now, if were being fair, we wouldnt like it if a bunch of male co-workers were ranting on about sexy pictures of Katy Perry or Megan Fox. But its not because were offended; its because we know Katy Perry can zip up her favorite jeans and we hate her for it.