Attention: Mandatory classes for Democrats at the adult learning campus:
* How to work harder and live on less money after liberal groups bring your standard of living down to Third World status. Instructor: Andy Sterns. Saturdays, noon to 2 p.m. Fine Arts building. Duration: Two weeks.
* Anarchy: What to do after the coming economic collapse (Read: Greece). Pictures and graphics. Instructor: Timothy Geithner.
* Obama: Can he really walk on water and levitate? Video shown. Tuesday and Thursday, 7 p.m. to 9 p.m.
* Why conservatives are right and liberals wrong: Real life testimonials. Instructor: Bill Clinton. Tuesdays at 6 p.m. Location to be determined.
* Democrats: Why it's your moral obligation to vote more than once in each election. Archival footage of Joseph P. Kennedy and other criminals. Friday at 7 p.m. Location to be announced.
* What to do when an illegal alien with an Illinois driver's license and no insurance runs into and kills your family then splits for Mexico. Monday 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. Instructor: Gov. Pat Quinn.
* You, too, can hold down two public supervisory jobs simultaneously, replete with dual pensions. Open forum, Wednesday at 9 p.m.
* Deniable plausibility: What to do when one of your Democratic Party officials admits to bilking your fellow taxpayers out of huge sums of money. Round table discussion due to instructor (official) possibly being in prison at class time.
Roddy D. Riggs