Twitter leaves Wally at a loss for words

News-DemocratJuly 8, 2013 

Once again, in this lightening-speed digital world, it's as if I'm riding in a covered wagon.

Back in April 2012, I dove into the Twitter world. I confidently expected I would tweet frequently and that would somehow benefit me.

Once, I even had a perfect tweet -- 140 characters on the nose.

I confidently predicted I would break the 100 message barrier quickly. More than a year later, my counter now stands at 75.

Unfortunately it is hard writing those little messages. At least it is hard writing any that are really interesting. Never mind funny.

I got off to a bad start. When I searched for Twitter online I typed in "Twister."

When I had finally registered and started tweeting, just like in my normal conversations, I quickly ran out of things to say.

Well, I must admit I do think some of the stuff I have on there is funny. Like the time I listed U.S. Grant, Robert E. Lee and Martin Luther King Jr. and asked for the connection. They were each bobblehead dolls I saw at the Missouri History Museum.

You can't make up stuff like that. At least I can't.

Or the time I wondered why people are always wanted on outstanding warrants in the paper. There must be some so-so warrants out there.

Somehow I have acquired 45 followers. That isn't much of a following, but then my tweeting isn't much either.

After a good start, I slacked off after July of O-12. I skipped a month in there before remembering to get back on.

Then there was a two-month gap and a three-month gap and a four-month gap.

Once I just threw in "Nothin'. I got nothin," which at least is something.

Every once in a while something would occur to me like when I lamented once again missing the chance to stage the Velvet Elvis painting festival as part of Art on the Square. It probably is a good thing not that many people saw that.

I probably need a smart phone so I can tweet when I actually see something worth writing about. But I'm not intelligent enough for a smart phone, so I just forget what I see until sometime when I'm nowhere near a computer.

What I need is a ghost twitterer. I don't know if there is such a word but when I checked my account recently, they told me I "haven't favorited any tweet yet."

If they can make up words, so can I.

So far, I am 0 for July in tweeting, but heck, I use up a lot of material in this column. It's what I get paid for and man cannot live on tweets alone.

Have a column idea? Call Wally at 239-2506 or 800-642-3878; or email:

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