Monday, Oct. 26, 2009

Potential Halloween scare may keep folks home

Q. We've been invited to a Halloween party on Oct. 31 and we accepted. We have two very young children so we are taking them trick or treating early. We have a babysitter hired and we've had her before. She is good. She has asked if she can wear a costume to our house and pass out candy to trick or treaters. She also would like her boyfriend to come over for a while to help pass out candy. We told her we would let her know. We're considering canceling out on the party because we don't feel comfortable having a teenager, and maybe a boyfriend, opening our front door to what could be possible problems. Our question is this: If we do decide to skip the adult party and stay home and cancel the babysitter, should we offer to pay her anyway since we know she probably had other calls to babysit for other people?

A. Yes, it would be the fair, appropriate, and considerate decision on your part.

Q. I always told myself that if I ever owned my own business and had people working for me, I would not allow my employees to eat lunch at their desks and not allow any kind of "smelly" foods to be made, heated, or brought into the lunch room area.

My son is now working for me, too, and he thinks I should relax the rule. I just have never liked going into a business to do business when the place smells like everyone just ate fish, or ate something with a lot of garlic, or even plain old hamburgers. It just turns me off. Am I weird or what?

A. No, you are not. Unless the business is an actual restaurant, strong food smells of any kind are a definite turn off as one opens the door and enters. It begs the question: Is this an eating day, party time, closed for lunch, or will I be able to conduct some business. Do not relinquish your pride and quest for business professionalism.

Q. Am I the only one who is annoyed with all the foul language being said in public? I feel like putting my hands over my children's ears. It is not just young teenage guys, but also gals, and older adults who seem to use curse words and foul language in every sentence. They don't seem to be embarrassed or ashamed at all. Can I say something to ask them to stop or bring to their attention how awful it is?

A. First of all, I want you to know you are not the only person who is "annoyed" with or totally disgusted with the current apparent proliferation of profane and undecent language being spoken quite unabashedly in a myriad of public places.

Having said that, a word of caution: one must be extremely careful and with regard to confronting the individuals who are using this unacceptable language. For example:

* If you are in a public place with just your children and a lot of strangers, placing your hands over your children's ears and removing yourself from the situation as quickly as possible may be your best decision. Also, explain to your children why you, and they, are leaving.

If you are in a group of people you know to some extent, or in safe surroundings with strangers, you might say:

* "Excuse me, please, but your langugage is not appropriate for my children."

* "Excuse me, please, but I would appreciate it if you would go outside (or go to the other side of the room), if you insist on using inappropriate language."

* "Oops, let's watch the bad language, please."

* If you are fortunate enough to get an apology, be sure to respond with "Thank you."

* If you get a rude response, turn away or move away from the individual(s).

Send your etiquette questions to Dianne Isbel, Lifestyle, P.O. Box 427, 120 S. Illinois St., Belleville, IL 62222-0427.