Monday, Nov. 02, 2009

Selfless girl can be a great example

Q. My daughter recently received an invitation from a fellow soon-to-be 9-year-old classmate inviting her to a birthday party.

In lieu of a gift for the birthday girl, she is to bring an item from a wish list sent along with the invitation from a local children's hospital.

On one hand, I feel what a generous person this birthday girl is. However, on the other hand, I also feel that a child is only a child once and maybe should keep the fundraising separate.

I'm not sure of my take on this kind of fundraiser and would like your opinion.

A. I think this birthday girl's decision to have the wishes of ill and less fortunate children met rather than receiving a bunch of presents for herself is a very wonderful and unselfish idea. She's also setting a very good example for others. The fact she is being given a birthday party, with no doubt other fun activities with some of her girlfriends will still ensure it is an exciting and memorable event.

Q. I have been asked for a donation, for the fourth time for an individual. I have always given through the years, but financially, I am no longer able to do so. How do I respond?

A. A fourth donation request from the same donor(s), for the same individual, is three too many requests. Your response is, "I am not able to make a donation." No further explanation or comment is necessary.

Q. I totally agree with the person who spoke about "the proliferation of profane and indecent language." I took a couple of little girls (mine included) to the movies recently. We all went into the women's restroom after the movie (big sodas). It was crowded and we were waiting in line. There were three teenage girls at the mirrors reapplying gobs of makeup and talking so loud it was impossible not to hear all the terrible language. At one point of the little girls in my group gasped at what she heard and moved closer to me turning her back to these unruly teenagers. One of these teenagers almost yelled "So what's your problem!" I responded, as the little girl now moved behind me, "She was shocked and offended by your inappropriate language." The response, "She needs to grow up." My response, "Hopefully none of these little girls will grow up to be like you or associate with girls like you."

She responded with a, "Get real!" and fortunately they left the restroom. I wasn't vicious in my tone of voice; instead I used a rather sympathetic approach. Later, in the car, one of the little girls said, "Those big girls were bad girls." We talked about it and I told them they weren't bad girls, just very misguided as to what proper behavior is all about and they are trying to be noticed but in the wrong way. I later told my husband about it and he wasn't sure I should have said anything at all. What is your opinion?

A. You handled the situation very well. Perhaps these teenagers will individually think about what you said and make some changes.

Q. Would you please reconfirm for me what I am trying to get my almost-teenage son to listen to, that wearing jeans so low that your underwear shows and you have to continually hold onto them near your front "privates" is not cute at all!

A. Definitely reconfirmed! Furthermore, you might tell him I said it is degrading, disgusting and does not attract nice, cool or awesome girls.

Send your etiquette questions to Dianne Isbel, Lifestyle, P.O. Box 427, 120 S. Illinois St., Belleville, IL 62222-0427.