Q: I will readily admit I am vain person, but not obsessive about it. I am reasonably new to Facebook. I like it, except I have a slight problem with some of my friends posting pictures of me that are not very flattering. And, they tag me with pictures of things I am definitely not particularly interested in. One of my colleagues tells me, it is what it is and if you are on Facebook, that is what you can expect. I have another colleague who says I can block what is put on my own page from others. Another one tells me to ask my friends who have been posting the not-so-wonderful pictures to either show me the proposed picture or not post it at all if it isn’t totally flattering. Etiquette wise, what should I do?
A: You raise a very good point, and first of all, I admire your honesty and your “vain-ness.” It is much better to err on the side of caring or being vain about how you look, than not. I believe that same type of honesty should also prevail in Facebook as well. While blocking tags to your Facebook is always an option, I suggest you ask your friends to get your approval or at least check with you, before posting a potentially unflattering picture on their page or tagging you with the photo. They can always text you the proposed photo, or item, in advance and you can then give them a thumbs up or down. It all boils down to common courtesy and consideration of others. I am certain they would not appreciate your posting an unflattering photo of them or tagging them.
Q: My husband and I were sent a “hold the date” card for a former co-worker’s wedding months ago. As the date of the wedding got closer and closer to the wedding date, we had not received an actual invitation. We talked about what to do about it. Finally, I called another co-worker who was still working with the co-worker who was getting married, and asked if she knew anything about the upcoming wedding, etc. In the conversation, I explained we had gotten the card some time ago, but no invitation. There was a pause and she then explained that she heard the couple had decided to have a much smaller wedding because they couldn’t afford to have a large number of guests at the sit-down dinner reception following the wedding. She said she had heard a lot of people had been cut from the list, but she didn’t know who they were. I asked her not to mention my phone call.
Based in what I was told, it is obvious my husband and I were cut from the list. Since we are not family, nor close friends, I can understand. It doesn’t really matter; however, shouldn’t they have notified us somehow about the change? I don’t think we are obligated to send a gift, are we?
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A: What an unfortunate and embarrassing set of circumstances. I would think, (or certainly hope) embarrassing for the couple getting married and, of course, somewhat embarrassing for you and your husband.
Although, the wedding couple should have developed a sound financial plan before sending the “hold-the-date” cards, it is not totally uncommon for wedding plans to change for one reason or another before the wedding. Regardless of the reason for the change, common courtesy would dictate you being notified of the change.
As to whether a wedding gift is required, the answer is, no; however, if you are so inclined to do so, it is your option. Sending a congratulatory card is also an option. If there was a return address on the original card you received, you could use it, or you could call your co-worker friend and ask her to discreetly get an address for you.
Dianne Isbell is a local contributing writer. Send your etiquette questions to Dianne Isbell at Belleville News-Democrat, P.O. Box 427, 120 S. Illinois St., Belleville, IL 62222-0427, or email them to email@example.com.