Saturday, Nov. 07, 2009

Parenting: Wow! 'I haven't completely ruined their lives'

No parent ever goes into parenthood with all the answers.

Most the time, we march blindly in without a clue about how things will be in reality. Sure, we've read the parenting books, consulted experienced parents, relatives and friends, but in the end, no two kids and no parents are the same, and it is nothing like you ever imagined it would be.

Sometimes I think we've managed to completely mess up Gabby and Boogie for the rest of their lives. There are times when I wonder how much they will have to invest in future psychological therapy to fix what we screwed up. We're not perfect; no parent is perfect. We are all pretty much muddling through it as best we can, hoping we make the right decisions and the right choices for our children, agonizing over the decisions we made that might not have been the best.

Then, there are those times when I just sit back and marvel at all we've done right for our girls. Thankfully those times are quite a bit more frequent than the we-really-screwed-this-up moments. Of course there are always those days when I jump back and forth fairly rapidly between both thoughts! Those tend to be the days I want to pull my hair out and lock myself in a padded room.

But it's the little things that make me realize we really are on the right track for a majority of the time.

It's the times when the girls are doing something together and truly enjoying each other's company instead of picking at each other. When they have their heads together and giggle like a couple of best friends it makes me smile and want to take a million pictures. There are the times when the oldest volunteers to help the youngest with her homework or her chores without being asked and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I know how hard it can be for Gabby to have her 8-year-old sister always wanting to tag along and sometimes be a mega-pest, especially when all Gabby wants to do is hang with her friends or have a little bit of privacy while she's on the phone. Those nine years between them can be quite the chasm to cross, but when they are able to bridge that chasm, it's delightful.

The times when I come home late from work and discover Gabby has not only done all of her chores without being reminded, but has also done a few extra and offered to start dinner I know she has picked up a few life lessons along the way.

It's those times when Gabby makes a choice of her own free will to spend time with her family instead of going out to hang with her friends or her boyfriend. I mean, we haven't messed up too badly if the 17-year-old still wants to spend time with us, right?

The moments when Boogie just looks at me and says for no reason at all "I think you're the best mom in the world," and squeezes me in a huge gut-squashing hug and I know all is right in our world. Is there anything more heart-melting than a little kid hug?

It's the excellent parent/teacher conferences, the improving grades, the initiative that is finally emerging, the self-confidence and the fascinatingly creative minds that assure me I haven't completely ruined their lives.

When Gabby chooses me to confide her secrets and concerns in instead of going to her friends, I know I've done a pretty good job of leaving those lines of communication open for her, even when there are times when I'd really rather not know. I know that if she ever finds herself in a situation she can't handle she won't be afraid to call on us to bail her out.

When those girls express their unique personalities in so many wonderful, delightful ways, I know I am rearing two fantastic people that the world is lucky to have.

I may not be an expert at this parenting thing -- no one is -- but it sure is nice to know I'm getting some of it right.