Monday, Nov. 16, 2009

'This one's not mine': Mascoutah mom carries baby for New York couple

Jamie (Underwood) Collins is 8 1/2 months pregnant.

"Everyone always asks me, 'Is that your first?'" she said, tucking her wavy blond hair behind her ear. "I tell them, 'It's my fifth.' Then, I tell them their ages."

15, 4, 3 and 2.

"They think I am absolutely nuts for having another one."

That's when she says, "This one's not mine."

Jamie, 36, is a gestational surrogate for a New York couple. Through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), fertilized eggs from another woman were implanted into her uterus.

The baby is due Nov. 23.

Jamie eased into a kitchen chair in the two-story Mascoutah home shares with husband Rick and their four children, Jaren, Quentin, Roman and Jada.

On a rainy Thursday afternoon, her two youngest napped.

Jamie, dressed in a gray long-sleeved "Mascoutah mom" T-shirt, had just come in from dropping off decorated cupcakes for the high school football team. Son Jaren Underwood plays wide receiver for the Mascoutah Indians. Dad Rick is a firewall administrator at Scott Air Force Base.

Curly-haired Quentin, 4, raced around looking for action, badgering his mom about the treat bag atop the refrigerator. He promised to play with the toys inside, not eat the candy.

A pot of chili warmed on the stove alongside just-baked corn muffins, compliments of Jamie's mom, Jan Palmeri, who helps her daughter at every turn -- even though she had mixed feelings about Jamie becoming a surrogate.

"When she told me (last year)," said Jan, "she had a 1-, 2- and 3-year-old. I was worried for her.

"Now I tell people I am so proud of her, but on the other hand, I think she's crazy. That's the best gift you can give anyone. What a gift to give."

"She's always wanted to help the underdog," said Torre Palmeri, her stepfather, "a person who has a rough time."

A surrogate?

Jamie, a part-time ICU nurse at Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis, has thought about being a surrogate for years.

A woman she had see at her son's basketball games was pregnant with twin boys.

"After she had them, we had another game. I asked, 'How are the babies?' (She said,) 'Oh, they weren't mine.' I told her I have always wanted to do that. She gave me the name of an agency."

Jamie wanted to have a daughter of her own before becoming a surrogate.

Jada, her youngest, is 2.

Rick, a quiet, low-key guy, remembers his wife bringing up the subject.

"She said, 'How would you feel if I became a surrogate?'

"I said, 'What's a surrogate?' 'You would have a baby for someone else?,'" said Rick, who has been a bone marrow donor. "I think it's cool she's doing it, helping some people out. That's how she is. She sees the world through rose-colored glasses, and that's what I like about her."

The process

Jamie contacted Family Source Surrogacy, based in a Chicago suburb, in early 2008, and met the agency co-founder, Zara Griswold, for lunch in Bloomington.

"We each drove halfway. She told me everything to expect."

Among the questions: How long had she been thinking about surrogacy? Did she have support from her husband? Was she doing it for money?

According to Zara, surrogates receive from $20,000-$25,000. The total expense for the couple wanting a child is $40,000 to $80,000.

"(Zara) gave me a profile of the parents that day," said Jamie.

They are from the East Coast, in their early 50s, in a second marriage. The woman has grown children.

"A couple weeks later, the parents called on a three-way call," said Jamie, who took the call in a quiet bedroom away from her children. "We talked for 1 1/2 hours."

That was just the beginning.

Becoming a surrogate is an involved, time-consuming, emotional process.

Jamie gathered medical records of her four pregnancies. Checked to see if her insurance covered the pregnancy. It did. Flew to New Jersey where the embryos were frozen for a full physical. She and her husband had blood drawn there and were evaluated by a psychologist.

They met the couple whose baby she would carry.

"I remember the dad shaking my husband's hand and saying, 'Looks like we will be in business together.'"

Lawyers drew up a 40-page contract.

"The agency asked what fee would you want to charge if it's a C-section," said Jamie. "I asked, 'What do most people charge?' She suggested an amount and I went with it."

The Collinses used a chunk of the money Jamie received to pay off credit card bills and plan a trip to Disney World next year.

"I don't know If I would have done it without being reimbursed," she said. "It's a lot of work. It's almost like having a part-time job, and it literally is a job."

For the psychological profile, Jamie and Rick each answered 350 questions.

"My husband is kind of an introvert," said Jamie. "He said, 'You owe me big time.'

"They want to make sure I am mentally stable and the person who supports me is mentally stable. They ask, 'What's the worst thing that ever happened to you? What's the best?'

"My life is fairly normal. Even boring. The worst thing is that when I was 20 and pregnant, the father left, but even that didn't turn out to be bad. I got my nursing degree and I have a great son, then I met Rick and now I have a great family."

If it first you don't suceed ...

Before each implantation, Jamie gave herself hormone shots for six weeks.

"When I got that first box of things from the pharmacy with 50 syringes and all this medication, that would scare most people," she said. "I am a nurse. It didn't bother me too much. I knew that was going to happen.

"Still you had to give yourself shots in the butt every single day for six weeks."

Her biggest surprise?

"I totally assumed I'd be pregnant the first time. I was shocked. It took three tries to get pregnant."

Every 2 1/2 months starting last fall, Jamie and Rick flew into Newark, N.J., for the procedure at Reproductive Medicine Associates in Morristown.

"We got to know the town of Morristown like the back of our hand," said Rick.

They'd stay between 24 and 72 hours -- or longer.

"On one trip, we made a vacation of it," said Jamie. "We took our 15-year-old with us to New York City. We saw the Statue of Liberty and drove around New York City."

Doctors implanted two embryos each time. Three the last.

"We started out with 13 embryos. I am pregnant with the only one that worked."

A busy life

Jamie likes a full plate.

She is working on her master's degree. She is on committees at the hospital. She recently signed up to be a substitute nurse for Mascoutah schools.

"In high school, I was in every activity except sports," said the 1991 Belleville East grad. "I was in dance, band, choir."

The bright pink streak in her hair?

Part of a hospital fund-raiser to benefit breast cancer research.

"A salon came in to our conference room. We made $600 in four hours. I wouldn't normally have pink in my hair."

Jamie doesn't hide her surrogacy. She even has T-shirts describing her condition. One is lettered: "This is not my husband's baby," on the front, and on back, "but it's not mine either. I am a proud surrogate."

What do people say?

"They can't believe they have met someone who's doing it. That's the biggest reaction."

Her children learned early on. They met the couple when they came in for an ultrasound. The Collinses invited them to a barbecue.

"The little ones know the baby is going to them," said Jamie. "The 4-year-old understands what's going on. The 3- and 2-year-old ask, 'Is there still a baby in your belly?'

"They ask funny questions. Quentin will ask me to open my mouth to look down and see the baby. The other day he suggested some names. They were kind of strange. He wanted me to e-mail them. He wanted to put his 2 cents in."

The future

Jamie and the soon-to-be parents e-mail regularly.

"We talk about our own families," said Jamie. "It's not real businesslike in that aspect."

Jamie's not worried about having ties to the baby.

"I am not an emotional person. I don't feel a connect with the baby. When I was pregnant with my own, I don't remember feeling a connection till after the baby was born. It's not an issue in my head."

Still, she's sure she'll hold the newborn and she's talked about mailing breast milk if they can figure out how to make it work.

Future contact? Maybe a Christmas card or e-mail.

"Once a year will be fine with me. I never thought of this as my child. I don't think we will ever get back together."

For the next week and a half, Jamie will struggle to put on socks and shoes. Picking up the kids' toys will be tricky. Her ankles are swollen, her wrists ache from carpal tunnel and she's pretty tired after a 12-hour shift at the hospital.

But she rallies.

"Mom, I want that," said Roman, 3, pointing to a cupcake.

"You have to eat dinner first," said Jamie, dishing up pasta and chili.

He grunted.

Jamie opened a container of V-Fusion for her children who were sitting at the kitchen counter.

"It's the best find," she said. "It's a mix of fruits and vegetables."

The busy mom looks forward to six weeks off.

"It's hard to gauge (recovery) since I've never gone home without a baby. This time, it may be faster. I won't be up in the middle of the night. No baby to take care of."

She smiled.

"I'm kind of looking forward to it honestly. ... I am getting off work for the holidays. I've never been off for the holidays. It's kind of exciting to be home with the kids."

Advice for surrogates

Look carefully into everything that's involved. There's a lot of work to do in beginning to get it going. There are a lot of shots that are required.

Have the right mind set. That the baby is not going to be yours. "They like people like me who have a whole family. No way I'd want any more of my own. Four is plenty."

Know that it's a process that may take longer than you expect. "I started in February '08. In the fall of 2008, I went every 2 1/2 months to be implanted."