Metro-East Living

Does grandma deserve thank-you note?

Q: My husband and I decided we would pay for our granddaughter’s homecoming dress, shoes, etc., this year because of several different circumstances. We wanted her to stop by our house with her date before she went, but we understood she might not be able to do that because we live in a different town. We called her a few days after the big event and she said she had a wonderful time. Would we be expecting too much if we felt she should write us a thank-you note?

A: It is very appropriate for your granddaughter to send you a thank-you note and hopefully she (or one of her parents) will be thoughtful enough to include some pictures.

Q: I can’t believe how rude and inconsiderate people are these days. I invited (by phone) 16 ladies to come join me for a lunch at my home which was a farewell for a mutual friend. I called two weeks in advance and gave each one all the information of date, time and place. Each one said she would be coming. However, the day of the luncheon, only 13 ladies showed up. The three no-shows didn’t even both to call to tell me they weren’t coming, or they were having a problem that day and couldn’t come. As a matter of fact, I have heard nothing from them and it has been over a week since the luncheon. Am I wrong to say they are rude and inconsiderate? Should I have called everyone back again to remind them? I don’t think so. The others came and didn’t need a call. Should I have followed up with a written invitation? I didn’t have time and the others who came didn’t need one. Should I call these three no-shows and ask them what happened or just forget about them?

A: Yes, these three ladies should have called you to let you know they were not going to be able to come to your luncheon, even if that morning, or mid-morning, they realized they were not going to be able to attend. The fact they have not called to apologize for not coming, is very inconsiderate. If you do not know these ladies very well, I would not call them. If they are ladies you know very well, then a phone call from you to each one of them to “check to see if” they are not ill or had some accident or some had some catastrophe occur which prevented them from attending your luncheon, is appropriate. After all, emergencies do happen and they might need a friendly helping hand or a listening ear.

Dianne Isbell is a local contributing writer. Send your etiquette questions to Lifestyle Editor Maureen Houston, Belleville News-Democrat, P.O. Box 427, 120 S. Illinois St., Belleville, IL 62222-0427, or email them to