Oliver the Snow-job Man says let’s run, have some fun, before I’m put away

The East St. Louis Township Christmas party is going to be interesting this year.

Padron Construction is donating a tree — from someone else’s yard.

Hamilton Contractors is getting everyone a snowflake ornament — made out of scraps of drywall, bought at the Collinsville Home Depot, and left over from the East St. Louis Housing Authority job. The snowflakes were crafted by illegal immigrant elves being “paid” $40.66 an hour. (Wink. Wink.)

Assistant U.S. Attorney Norm Smith is bringing presents — “get out of jail (nearly) free” cards.

Providing entertainment will be 24 clowns registered to vote from their home at 1232 Cleveland Ave. in East St. Louis. We know they are clowns, because only clowns could fit in that tiny shack — just like only clowns fit in those little circus cars.

And presiding over it all, smiling all the way from federal court, will be East St. Louis Township Supervisor Oliver W. Hamilton Sr. Hamilton played secret Santa — to himself — from the moment he took office and despite being told by his town board to stop it. He “gifted” himself $230,000 in car washes and gasoline and trips and building supplies for the public contracts his girlfriend handed him, all courtesy of the impoverished taxpayers who were robbed by Hamilton through a township American Express card.

The toast will be offered by defense attorney Clyde Kuehn, who will hoist his punch and declare that it is the “little things” that make life grand. That is, unless you are the recipient of the “thousand cuts.”

U.S. District Judge Michael Reagan may be a party-pooper, so he’s not invited. When Hamilton entered his guilty plea Dec. 1, admitting to a fraction of his transgressions, Reagan signaled — in a rather Grinchy way — that he was not bound by the ribbons with which federal prosecutors packaged their gift to Hamilton. Come the March 1 sentencing, Reagan could hand Hamilton a 20-year sentence.

All we want for Christmas...