Editorials

To those mad dogs and Edwardsvillians out in the midday eclipse

Video ad for Moonstock 2017, featuring Ozzy Osbourne

Video advertisement for Moonstock 2017 in Carterville, IL, featuring Ozzy Osbourne, who will perform his hit Bark At The Moon during the solar eclipse Aug. 21.
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Video advertisement for Moonstock 2017 in Carterville, IL, featuring Ozzy Osbourne, who will perform his hit Bark At The Moon during the solar eclipse Aug. 21.

It started with a few snowflakes but now we’re seeing the blizzard: You’d think the eclipse was the apocalypse.

Edwardsville canceled school for fear that unsupervised children at bus stops would blind themselves staring at the sun. Better to risk them being totally unsupervised than to turn this celestial event into a learning experience.

Well, Granite City schools joined them, as did some Missouri schools and then Missouri state employees. Missouri decided an extra holiday for thousands of workers in the state capital was warranted because they needed the parking for 50,000 visitors.

Total eclipse of the brain continues.

Emergency planners are treating this whole thing like a natural disaster, warning people in southern Illinois to avoid driving for five days around the eclipse, to have adequate stocks of medicine and food, to have a family communication plan in case cell phone service is overloaded, to check on the elderly and their needs and to watch pets and kids who might be agitated by the eclipse.

No need to worry about agitated children in Edwardsville or Granite City. All the parents will have been forced to take off work because school was canceled. They can check on Fido and Fluffy while they are home.

But as far as checking on those elderly without a cell phone, and not being able to drive over to their houses on the roads, we’re just not sure what to do. Walking is an option, but better take a flashlight from our survival supplies because it will be dark.

More mayhem: Ozzy Osbourne is offending some by singing “Bark at the Moon” during totality at a winery near Carbondale. He will ruin a near religious experience of spiritual introspection, they say.

Well, some people might want to enhance their experience by paying $85 to see the Prince of Darkness wail in a soft light. Seems better than how the druids or Mayans celebrated the eclipse.

And some Edwardsville parents might be there with their kids, pets and grandparents, all safely wearing ISO 12312-2 eye protection.

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