For the teachers’ sake, please review school etiquette with your children

Q. As a retired teacher, I know from experience how important it is for students and teachers to get “off on the right foot” at the beginning of the school year. I always hoped that parents would review proper manners with their children before that first day, and sometimes with some, that was obvious and with others, well, not so much.

If it is possible, could you please provide some of the basic good manners rules for school? I underlined “please” because when that and “thank you” were used, I had a feeling it was going to be a good year for all of us.

A. Yes, thank you for your very apropos question. I am providing a list below of “good manners” tips which are definitely appropriate for students but also applicable to everyday living for everyone in every walk of life and every age:

▪ Saying “please”: One simple word, yet a very powerful word. Whether it is a simple request such as “Please pass the butter” or a more important question, such as “Dad, could I please drive my car to school today rather than taking the bus because …?” A positive response in both cases is more likely when using “please.”

▪ Saying “thank you”: Obviously the follow-up response to each of the above requests, but also the response when someone is kind, observant and polite, who opens the door for you, for example, when your arms are full of books, or you drop one of your books as you are trying to get to class on time and someone picks it up for you. The same response applies in everyday life when you drop a package while trying to get into the post office, for example, and someone picks it up for you.

▪ Saying “you are welcome”: All too often when some people are given a compliment, they do not respond. That is rude. Whether you feel the compliment is warranted or not, or if you are uncomfortable when given a compliment, or if you are shy, say, “You are welcome.”

▪ Being Punctual: This quality is a must in your life if you are going to succeed at anything. Everyone’s time is very valuable; therefore, it is extremely rude to be late for class, dinner, sports practice, a date, a job. A part of being punctual is …

▪ Being Organized and Being Prepared: It’s very disruptive and rude to your teacher and other students when a student comes to class and ruffles around with their papers and books while the teacher or another student is speaking.

To then not have a clue how to answer a question when called upon because you didn’t feel like reading the assignment the night before is embarrassing for you, frustrates the teacher and doesn’t provide a very good impression for yourself.

If “organizing” yourself and prioritizing your responsibilities are not your forte, then force yourself to do it. Think ahead of what you need for each class and put it in your backpack. Make a written list if it helps you get on the right track. Try the same technique of writing down what you have to do for the next day or during that day and it will help you be more relaxed and your brain more focused on what you need to be doing.

Both of these “learnable” traits will help you in your adult life as well so that you are a valued employee or an entrepreneur.

▪ Saying “Pardon me and Excuse me”: If you accidentally bump into someone or need to get by someone, be sure to ask that person to “excuse” you or let them know the bump was not intentional.

▪ Being Respectful: If only our society had more of this today. This word has a lot of other words rolled up into it. For example: Don’t call anyone names; don’t make fun of your teacher or classmates; be attentive when your teacher or other students are talking or your parents, bosses, sales clerks, and on and on.

Don’t interrupt when someone else is speaking; don’t use foul language; don’t whisper or talk when others are talking; don’t invade someone else’s space without asking permission; “don’t put your feet on the furniture”; don’t borrow something from someone and not return it or damage it when using it; maintain someone else’s privacy. If you were called into the principal’s office because you illegally parked your car one morning, you would not appreciate anyone telling others about it.

▪ Remember that not everyone looks like you, speaks like you, dresses like you, has the same background as you, or has the same ideas as you; and that it is OK! Therefore, do not belittle them, make faces at them, call them names, or ignore them.

▪ Maintain good hygiene: No one wants to be around another person who is odorous; who has dirty hands or hair; who has bad breath because they don’t brush their teeth.

▪ Follow cellphone rules: No one wants to listen to your cellphone conversations or have their conversation and actions interrupted by a cellphone ringing.

▪ Follow proper dining manners: Do not talk with food in your mouth, or put too much food in your mouth at one time; do not “gulp” your food or beverages; use your napkin; keep your elbows and forearms off the table; hold your utensils properly even if it is plastic; ask to be excused if you finish before others and have to leave; clean up after yourself and use trash receptacles.

▪ Be a good sport and a “team” player: It’s OK not to be always chosen first, or the best player at everything; it’s OK to help others learn or be supportive of them when they are not as good or proficient as you at something; deal with an unfair, unintentional or what you think was inaccurate sports call and realize that not everyone is perfect, including yourself and you do not have to be.

▪ Be thoughtful, patient and kind: Wait your turn; don’t push and shove; allow someone to go in front of you if you see they are rushed; give someone a compliment; hold the door for someone; smile; give someone a cheerful word when you know they are having a difficult time.

This story was originally published August 27, 2023 at 7:00 AM with the headline "For the teachers’ sake, please review school etiquette with your children."