Good manners begin simply by being respectful
Readers: I have had many of you chatting with me lately about “respect” — how some feel there is a lack of respect in today’s world — how being respectful shows you have proper manners, how our daily lives are better and how the world is a better place when people are “respectful” to each other.
Saying something positive and respectful is so much better than being negative about everything and saying negative things. Like, whatever happened to the saying my mother taught me: “If you can’t say something nice; don’t say anything at all”?
Although the word “respect” is a rather short word, it is very powerful and has many different, interesting definitions. I know, because one of the groups with whom I was recently discussing the subject, turned to the internet and looked up the word. It was definitely an eye-opener for all of us.
There were definitions from Webster’s, Collins, Britannica, and Cambridge Dictionaries; grade schools, colleges, workplaces and on and on. One that was particularly interesting to all of us in the group was this one found on Amazon. It lists the “7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work”, written by Julie Pham. I felt these were very apropos for sharing with you.
In summary, here are the seven Julie identifies: 1) Procedure: Respecting Rules, Guidelines and agreed-upon procedures. Since all of us in the group had worked before or were still working, we could definitely relate to this one and agreed that if rules aren’t followed, it puts stress on everyone and everything goes downhill in a hurry.
2) Punctuality. Not being punctual, whether to a meeting or providing timely information required by others, hit a sore note with all of us. It also was the topic relating to disrespect in every- day social life. For example, your date shows up late to take you to a private dinner party; or you are not ready when your date arrives. Either way, the dinner party hostess feels disrespected when you are late and rightfully so.
3) Information. How irritating it is when someone does not readily share pertinent facts on a project at work or a member of your social group neglects to keep you informed about an ill friend.
4) Candor: There is nothing more disrespectful when a “supposed friend” feeds you a “line of malarkey”. If my lipstick is smeared all over my face or on my teeth, don’t tell me it is perfect; quietly tell me to go fix it.
5) Consideration: If a colleague realizes you are about to present a product to the boss that you know is inaccurate or incomplete, then whether you like that person or not, step forward and keep them from the embarrassment.
6) Acknowledgement: Provide congratulations and praise to others when due, whether you played a part in the success or not--that’s showing respect.
7) Attention: We have probably all been in a situation where you are trying to explain something to someone and you can tell they are not listening to a word you are saying. It occurs in the workplace and as well as in our social life and it is so very disrespectful and demeaning. Our discussion would not have been complete without including AI’s input which included an overview of The Golden Rule which, of course, is: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
What was interesting to see was reference to “The Silver Rule.” I honestly had never heard of this rule which is: “Do not do unto others what you would not have them do unto you.” Our group took this to mean if a jealous person excludes you, for example, from an event, do not reciprocate in the same manner if the opportunity presents itself. I was delighted to find many schools and colleges that have developed “respect” rules for not only their students, but also for teachers, administrators and parents.
Our group also felt it meant being polite and respectful to the bus drivers, the cooks in the cafeteria, the coaches, the music teachers, the nurses and the janitors. Mutual signs of respect are also so important when there is interaction with the parents. We also discussed how important it is for all of us to show respect to the older generation in our society — grandparents, retirees, especially those who may be handicapped in some manner.
How wonderful it is to see young people opening the door for their parents, grandparents, neighbors, and “yes” we do see that. I also hear strangers give polite compliments to others, especially our elders. I hear a lot of “thank you’s” and “you’re welcome.”
The Bottom Line: Thank you for all the input from those of you who brought up this subject and the discussions we had. There is a lot of being respectful in our world which equals proper manners. We all play a part in being respectful, so let’s stay positive and help set the best example of being respectful in everything we say and do.
Think about what we are going to say before we say it, think about what we are going to do before we do it, and make certain the result is respectful.