Here’s what to do when your in-laws try to control how you spend your holidays
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
Q: Got married in August and somehow at our reception, my father-in-law announced that I would be having the family over for Thanksgiving Day dinner and all the trimmings. I thought he was joking but when my mother-in-law thanked me the next week for taking over the responsibility (for Thanksgiving Day dinner), I realized it was not a joke. She did say, though, that if I needed any help with the dressing or anything to let her know. My husband and I are not real turkey fans, so we decided to have a BBQ dinner instead with all the usual trimmings. We passed on that info to the family, and a week later my mother-in-law called and basically tried to talk us out of making BBQ and switching to turkey because it was a family tradition. Apparently, my father-in-law thinks it won’t be proper to have BBQ instead of turkey and may not come, or he may go out and buy a turkey from a local caterer and bring it. So, should I/we throw in the towel and switch to turkey? Or, should we have BBQ, since we’re hosting this meal at our house? What if we do (have BBQ) and he doesn’t come? What if he comes and brings turkey, the dressing and all the other stuff?
A: Believe it or not, father-in-laws are not “the boss” or “your boss”. As you said, it’s your house and you are the hostess. Invited guests do not and should not dictate what type menu you select. It would be unfortunate, but if your father-in-law chooses not to come, then he doesn’t come. If he comes and brings turkey, the dressing and all the other stuff, serve it; who knows, it may become a tradition: BBQ and turkey!
Q: My grandmother has decided to give me her very best set of china. She is no longer able to do a lot of cooking, so she thought I would put them to good use because I like to entertain. She’s bringing them when she comes for Thanksgiving Day dinner. Should I set my table in advance with all my china like I usually do, or should I wait until she arrives and use the set she is bringing? I’m thinking I might need to wash them, though, and that might delay my usual serving time.
A: Using your grandmother’s china is much more important than having a slight delay in your usual serving time. After all, Thanksgiving is supposed to be a day of acknowledging our blessings and giving thanks; what better blessing and special thank you for you to use your grandmother’s china.
Q: Flu season is here already and I am very susceptible to getting it even though I get my flu shot every year and have had one for this year. For that reason, I don’t like shaking hands with anyone and I don’t like it when someone comes at me with a hug because it’s too easy for the germs to hop of their hair, face or cheek and land on me and then I am the one to get sick. So, am I being totally rude if I take a step back when I see someone coming at me to get a hug or shake my hand or grab my hand? While I am stepping back or to the side, I try very politely to apologize to them saying I try to avoid handshaking and hugs during the flu season.
A: No, you are not being totally rude, and you are not the only person who prefers not to do “hugs” and “handshakes” during the flu season. One comment you might add is this: ... the flu season because I would not want to pass on any possible germs I might be carrying to anyone else.
This story was originally published November 19, 2017 at 8:00 AM with the headline "Here’s what to do when your in-laws try to control how you spend your holidays."