Should grandparents get paid for watching grandchildren?

Q. Shouldn’t a grandmother who is babysitting her daughter’s two small children five days a week get paid something? My brother and his wife have our Mom doing this now for quite some time and they don’t pay her anything. She’s about worn to a frazzle. I talked to my brother about paying her and he said she didn’t want anything. It’s just not right and I know she could use the money. Any suggestions?

A. Things to consider before doing anything more:

▪  Whether it is right or not, there comes a time when you have to ask yourself this: “How important is this? Is it worth starting a possible family feud or causing hurt and upset feelings?”

▪  Remind yourself that your mother is an adult and unless her voice box has been removed, she can and apparently has made a decision not to accept payment for babysitting your brother’s children. What the reason is for not accepting payment, we do not know. There could be many. Is it a good idea to ask her, I think NOT.

After evaluating your potential responses and feelings to the considerations I have identified, if you still feel it is your responsibility to “make things right,” I recommend you proceed very cautiously.

Perhaps an idea to mention to your brother is this: “John, I know Mom said she didn’t want you to pay her for babysitting, but maybe if you left a short note for her once in awhile, telling her how much you appreciate what she does for you and include a gift card to the grocery store she goes to or her pharmacy, she might accept it.” “...or maybe a small bouquet of flowers, with a little thank you card, and a gift card in the same little envelope.”

Q. Bought a gift for our granddaughter right before Christmas. It was a sale item but I didn’t realize it. Therefore, it had only a very limited number of days to return. Her Mom tells me she really doesn’t like the color (I thought pink was her latest favorite color; guess it is now black) and would I exchange it for a different color. I found out I couldn’t return it, and there wasn’t another one even like it in any color. I told her Mom my granddaughter would just have to “love it,” and that didn’t go over very well. So what do I do?

A. What’s that saying Heidi Klum says on Project Runway: “One day you’re in and the next day you are out.” Apparently that same statement can apply to teenager color and clothes preferences.

Here is what I suggest:

▪  Donate the item to one of your favorite clothing charities.

▪  If you are able and willing, offer to take your granddaughter shopping to pick out another gift, using the original amount you were willing to spend rather than the sale price.

▪  Offer giving her cash (also in the amount you were originally willing to spend) so she can go shopping herself and purchase something she would like.

This story was originally published January 14, 2018 at 7:00 AM with the headline "Should grandparents get paid for watching grandchildren?."