Valentine’s Day plans can be challenging — to say the least
Q. The last couple of years, my husband has made plans for us to go to dinner with another couple for Valentine’s Day. While I like this couple, I just don’t want to spend every Valentine’s Day evening with them, especially when it is at their favorite restaurant, not mine. Besides, the food at this restaurant wasn’t up to snuff last year and their prices keep going higher and higher. I decided to talk to my husband about making a change for this year. He said it would be fine to go somewhere else without them, but it would be up to me to tell them we weren’t all going together this year. Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t that or shouldn’t that be his responsibility? I don’t think it’s fair or proper for me to contact them when he has been the one to make the arrangements with them for the past three years. And if I did call them, what could I possibly say without taking the fall as a real jerk? I think he is throwing me under the bus — am I wrong? I just wanted to do something by ourselves, somewhere else.
A. Yes, even if you loved this restaurant and could hardly wait to spend the evening with this couple, I can understand why you would want to spend Valentine’s Day dinner with just your husband, at one of your favorite restaurants, or try a new one.
- Yes, I also agree with you that your husband should be the one to talk to this couple regarding the change in plans for this year.
- Yes, his asking you to make the call is similar to “throwing you under the bus.”
- To make the call more “palatable” for this couple, your husband could suggest the four of you try out a new restaurant (just pick one you’ve been wanting to try) next month, in lieu of all four going out for Valentine’s Day dinner this year. He could ask them to check their calendar and get back to him with a couple weekend dates.
- The other option would be for you to plan a quiet, candlelight dinner at home for just the two of you. He could pass this information on to this couple and explain how you used to do that. I can just hear them saying, “Awwwww, how sweet. Of course, we understand. We’ll get back to you with some possible dates for next month.”
Q. What’s the normal amount (reasonable amount) a 16-year old young man should spend on a girlfriend for Valentine’s Day? He’s only been dating this girl since the beginning of the year, and he has no job, but gets an allowance. He wants to get her flowers, a big box of candy, perfume and take her to dinner at our country club. My, my, a lot has changed since his dad and I were his age! We didn’t have to walk miles and miles across the fields to go to a country club and we didn’t have parents who would volunteer to take us somewhere to dinner. We just gave each other homemade cards and went to a burger joint, and had a wonderful time.
I discussed our son’s plans with my husband and although we would cover their dinner at the country club, we think a medium-sized box of candy would be the only other gift needed. Are we on the right track or have we missed the train?
A. I agree with you and your husband. Spending a lot of money does not always insure the best time. Your offering to drive them to the country club and pick up the tab for dinner for two there, plus his using some of his allowance to get a box of candy for her, are most appropriate and should make for a wonderful Valentine’s Day. Holding the perfume and flowers for her birthday or Christmas 2020 will be nice — if he is still dating her.
