Coronavirus pandemic causes adjustments to etiquette rules
Q. As a bridesmaid in my girlfriend’s wedding which is to be the end of May, I was part of a bridal shower which was to be given last week Saturday. We called all the guests and explained that we had canceled the shower because of the virus. The bride’s mother is now strongly suggesting we quickly set up a drive-by shower before the wedding. She wants us to call all the invited guests and tell them they can drop off the gifts at her house on such and such a date between the hours of 1 and 5 p.m.
The mother is telling us bridesmaids that we don’t have to be there, and probably shouldn’t be there, but she would like us to go do a “porch pick up” at the homes of the invited guests who can’t drop off their gifts at her house. Somehow none of this seems right, or proper, to me.
I would not feel comfortable calling these guests and asking them to do either. I think it would look like the only thing the bride and her mother cares about is getting their gifts. I think the wedding will probably have to be postponed anyway so I think we should wait on doing anything in hopes it will be safe to have an actual shower at a later date. Two of the other four bridesmaids feel the same way, and two don’t care either way. What’s your opinion?
A. I certainly agree with you. I, too, would feel very uncomfortable calling guests asking for them to do either. And, yes, I feel many of the guests may also think it is more about the gift than the actual event. Hold your ground and tell the bride’s mother you all want to wait until we are told it is safe to have gatherings again. After all, it is a wedding the date of which may or may not be postponed, not a baby shower where the “date of the birth cannot be postponed.”
Q. Our daughter is (or we think it will be was) scheduled to get married in early June. However, in all likelihood, we are going to have to postpone the date until some time in the fall. Unfortunately, we already have the printed invitations ready to be mailed, and the “Save the Date” cards were sent out last fall. We also already have the favors and they have their names on engraved on them as well as the date of the wedding. We are prepared to have new invitations printed with a new date, but would it be proper to still provide the same favors even if it is a different date than what is engraved on them now? We are thinking we could have little ribbons printed with the new date and tie those around each favor or would that look stupid and be totally improper?
A. Since we are in the midst of an event taking place in our lives, and history, over which we definitely do not have any control, it is perfectly proper to make adjustments to what has always been considered “the proper thing to do.” It is a time to be realistic and adjust to the situation. Under the circumstances, I think having ribbons printed with whatever the new date is and adding them to the already-printed favor will be fine. It will also be a story your daughter and her husband will have fun telling their children and grandchildren some day. It will be a wedding they and their guests are likely never to forget.
Q. We usually host a big Easter dinner for our family. We’ve decided to cancel it several weeks ago. I always have a basket with a little gift and treats for each child. I already had these baskets finished when we decided to cancel our dinner. I am not sure if I should do a “porch drop off” for the little ones on Easter Sunday or Monday, or keep them awhile until we can safely reschedule another family dinner. Any thoughts?
A. “Porch drop offs” on Easter Sunday or Monday would definitely brighten some little ones who are probably already disappointed about the adjustments they are experiencing in their lives right now. Seeing their happy faces will also help you feel better about having to cancel your dinner. Besides, the “treats” in the baskets may not stay fresh very long.