Don’t ask personal medical questions of people — whether about coronavirus or cancer

Q. We have a friend who has survived having the coronavirus. He and his family are not only friends of ours but also of some other friends we have in this area because most of us go to Florida every year to the same condo complex. For various reasons, he and his wife are the only couple out of our group who went to Florida this year. He caught the virus while they were there. We didn’t find out about it until recently and for their own personal reasons, they asked us not to tell anyone.

I had a call from one of the other couples last week and she asked me if I heard that our mutual friend had had the virus? I had to think fast because she was trying to confirm it rather than know it for sure. I basically told her I had to go because I thought I heard someone a the front door and I hung up. I thought she was really out of line asking me a personal health question about one of our mutual friends. I was wondering if you would like to address this issue in one of your columns, like what kinds of questions about this virus are acceptable and which are unacceptable.

A. Yes, thank you for sharing. I, too, feel it was very inappropriate for this lady to ask you a personal medical question about a mutual friend, and I do want to address this subject. Whether a person winds up in the hospital for the coronavirus or cancer surgery or kidney stones, it is that person’s “personal business.” If that person wants to share personal information regarding that hospital visit, it is up to that person. It is very, very rude to ever ask that person the reason for the hospital visit. It is also rude to ask personal questions like this to others regarding a mutual friend. It was called “being nosy” when I was a little kid, and still is today.

Applicable etiquette rules are:

1.) Do not ask personal questions of anyone regarding their health, wealth, religion or political affiliation.

2.) Make sure you have carefully considered all the possible ramifications before sharing personal information regarding your own health, wealth, religion or political affiliation.

3.) If someone shares personal information with you, do not share it with others.

4.) Before you ask a person a personal question, ask yourself: How would I feel if someone asked me this question?

5.) Always respect the privacy of others.

6.) Remember: What’s my business is my business just as your business is your business.

7.) Being nosy is not a positive attribute and is not conducive in making friends or keeping friends.