Here are tips for wedding presents, high school graduation monetary gifts amid COVID-19
Q. We bought a wedding present for a couple who was supposed to get married the middle of June. They have now postponed the wedding until “sometime this fall.” In accordance with proper wedding etiquette, we normally mail our wedding gift to the bride’s parents’ home about a week or so before the wedding.
In this case, however, the bride and groom have been living together for some time, so we were just going to take it with us to the wedding reception. We’re not sure if there is going to be a big reception even if they postpone it to the fall. Our question is: Do we just mail it now to the couple’s home or should we wait until we get an actual date for the wedding and find out if we’re going to be included in a reception?
It seems odd to send a gift without a wedding date because they could postpone it again and, by the time they actually get married, they will have forgotten we even gave them a gift.
A. Since these are certainly unusual times, the normal wedding etiquette rules may not apply. As we have to evaluate everything we decide to do every day based on what is happening and changing in the world and in our own area of the world, we have to follow our own good judgment in making our decisions.
This is one of those situations. No one really knows what the pandemic situation will be like in the fall and if there is a second wave or increase in the number of cases in our area, this couple may indeed have to postpone their wedding date again, or make a decision to have a much smaller wedding.
Nonetheless, you have already been invited to join them in their special day and, even if you cannot attend the wedding or a reception when the date is finally solidified, you will still want to give them your gift. Since the bride is no longer living with her parents, you have the option of sending your gift to the address of the home the bride and groom are sharing at this time, or you can wait until you get an actual new wedding date.
The couple will probably still be living together at the same address, so you would be mailing it to the same address even at that time. If you feel uncomfortable sending it to their pre-marital home now, keep the gift until you receive the new date and take it with you to the wedding or reception, if in fact, you are allowed to attend. If not, mail it to their home before the actual wedding date.
A question related to college in the fall
Q. Our son recently graduated from high school and was accepted at several out-of-state small private colleges for the fall. He received a lot of monetary gifts for his graduation from family and close friends to use for college expenses. We’re not sure what is going to happen to these colleges as far as whether they will actually have classes on their campus, if students will be able to live on campus, or if their classes will all be done via the internet or if they will reduce the number of students, etc.
Depending on what the colleges choose to do, our son said he may decide to stay at home and take classes at a local junior college for the first year or he may decide to work. I’m wondering if he should return the graduation money he received if he decides to go to work.
A. Whether your son actually attends college classes this fall and lives on campus, or if he takes classes at a local junior college, or if he decides to work (and finding a job may not be as easy as it sounds), he will need money to pay for registration fees and books. If he decides to wait a year to continue his education and go to work instead, and finding a job may not be easy, he will still need money to survive.
I am certain everyone who gave him money for graduation is well aware of the current unknowns and will understand their gift will be put to good use no matter what occurs this fall and will not expect their money to be returned. If your son hasn’t already, he should definitely write a personal thank you note to each person who gave him a gift and briefly explain how he intends to use their gift.