COVID-19 is impacting my Fourth of July party planning. What advice do you have?

Q. We have had a 4th of July pool party for many years and it has been a big hit with everyone. Our dilemma this year has been whether we should have it based on the coronavirus and the associated social distancing rules, masks, number of people we can have, etc. We notified our usual guests last month that we would not make a decision one way or the other until the July 1 and that if we had it, we might have to make some changes.

Well, as a result of that, we received a few phone calls and return emails, some of which were almost saying we were being inconsiderate — that they wished we could make a decision sooner because they had other invitations to consider. In response, we apologized and tried to explain we were just trying to be very cautious in view of the virus, the changing rules and overall safety advice, as well as wanting to keep everyone safe.

I don’t think there are a lot of standing etiquette rules on this topic, so we would like your opinion as to whether we were inconsiderate with the type of invitation we extended? Also, is the July 1 too late to make a decision?

And, if we decide to have our party, will it be inappropriate if we provide a set of rules, such as these?

• Temperatures will be taken at the front door.
• Guests are requested to wear masks unless eating or drinking.
• No handshakes or otherwise touching other guests.
• Social-distancing of 6 feet is requested, including when standing in line for a drink.
• Food will be served at tables around the pool with seating for only four.
• No one will be allowed in the pool at all this year.

Also, how much trouble will be in if we decide to have the party for family only and not invite anyone else, including some of our close neighbors who will be able to see we are still having a party after we didn’t include them? Believe me, at this point we almost wish we had not even mentioned anything about a party at all.

Dianne’s answer to 4th of July party dilemma

A. You are correct in that there are no set etiquette rules covering the type of situation in which we find ourselves. However, basic etiquette follows a philosophy of using common sense and trying to do the “right thing” at all times in the best interest of others.

Therefore, the current COVID-19 situation provides an allowance for a certain amount of deviation from the basic etiquette rules. For example, under the circumstances, your original notification to your guests indicating you were uncertain about having your annual party was understandable and not inappropriate.

• July 1 does seem to be a little late to make a decision about whether you are going to have your party or not, especially if you decide not to have the party because it does not allow a lot of time for your guests to make other plans or reply to other invitations they may have received. I say “a little late” because as a hostess yourself, you realize that those who host a party need to plan on the amount of food and beverages based on the number of guests and only a couple of days is not a lot of time for doing that. In addition, the other hostesses may have a feeling of being “second choice” when receiving last-minute replies. I therefore recommend you make a decision as soon as possible and notify those on your guest list accordingly. As you prepare to make your decision, however, be sure to check the governor’s policy regarding how many people can be allowed to gather in group events. Also take into consideration how you would feel if one of your guests tests positive at some point after attending your party.
• If you decide to cancel your party, yes, do apologize for any inconvenience you may have caused. Also explain why you are not having your party; for example, “We have decided not to have our annual Fourth of July pool party because of our concern for the safety of everyone. We apologize for any inconvenience we may have caused. Hopefully, the situation next year will be better.”
• If you decide to have your party and limit your guests to family only, then provide that information to avoid any ill feelings of those neighbors who see guests at your home or hear about the fact there was a party at your home. For example, “We have made the tough decision not to have our normal Fourth of July party this year with everyone because of our concern for the safety of everyone. There may be a few family members stop by if they feel comfortable doing so. Our apologies for any inconvenience we may have caused. Hopefully, the situation will be better next year.”
• While the proposed rules you have listed may seem to be excessive to some, they are appropriate and in the best interest of everyone. Will they hamper the fun of your party? To some extent possibly, but nonetheless, they are appropriate.

Regardless of your decision, happy Fourth of July to everyone and God Bless America!