Middle age looks better from behind a COVID-19 mask
I used to be vain. A long blonde ponytail, tiny waist, shoes-match-purse kind of vain that is reserved for 20-somethings only. Man, that was a lot of work. It’s much easier letting your roots grow out and eating Oreos on the couch.
When I was younger, I’d see a woman in her 30s and think, “So sad. She’s over the hill.”
Well, the closer you get to the “the hill,” the further off it appears. Pretty soon you need glasses just to see it. I have three pairs — all in designer colors.
“Middle age is freeing,” I told my pal, Lydia. “Once you accept it, of course.”
“Who’s accepting it, Shell? We’re still in the fight.”
I guess she’s right. We’re still in there slugging away. The Yoga. The wrinkle creams. The fad diets that always end with chocolate. Well, mine end with chocolate. Lydia’s end with crème brulee.
“When I saw it on the menu, I knew I was sunk,” she told me, recently. “I thought, ‘I’ll just take one bite and take the rest home.’ But it was good, Shell. Sooo good. Maybe the best I’ve ever had.”
Food for thought: If dessert tasted like lettuce, we’d all be a size 2. And if lettuce tasted like dessert, we’d all eat like rabbits.
But back to middle age ...
In our mother’s era, middle-aged women looked like middle-aged women. No Botox. No fillers. No liposuction and personal trainers. If a woman looked good for her age, it was due to good genes. With the advancement of “cosmetic intervention,” the bar has been raised.
Keeping up with the Joneses now means keeping up with Mrs. Jones. Is she 40 or is she 60? Trick question. She’s actually 52. (At least that’s what it says on her Facebook page.)
‘I look a lot better from 6 feet away’
“I’ve decided to let myself go,” I told Lydia. “I’m tired of trying to look good. I just want to lie around and eat.”
“Don’t you do that anyway?”
“Yes. But with the pandemic, it’s gotten easier. There are fewer places to go and less people to see. When you do see people, it’s from a distance. I don’t know about you but I look a lot better from 6 feet away.”
I also look better from behind a mask. No need for make-up. Just mask-up and go. If I’m feeling super sexy, I might slap on some mascara. Except for the crow’s feet, I could pass for 25 ...
