Input sought to help solve a possible rift between a boutique owner and candle maker

Q. I have a friend in one of the Southern states who owns a boutique and I have another friend who makes candles. I connected the two over a year ago so that they might be able to possibly collaborate on doing some business together. Shortly after, the boutique owner invited my friend to participate in a little pop up.

The candle-making friend told me it went well. She (my candle-making friend) called me the other day and asked me if I had heard from the boutique owner. I told her I hadn’t (I really don’t “talk” to either one on a regular basis). She went on to tell me the boutique owner was not answering her calls or emails, and could I maybe check to see what was going on.

When I hesitated a little in responding, she told me “Never mind”; told me someone was at her door and she had to go. Something tells me not to get further involved, but should I call her back and offer to call the boutique owner to find out if she is planning on including my candle-making friend in anything coming up? Or have I done enough? Or should I ask her how things really went before I call or is that being nosy?

A. I agree with you that something is “rotten in Denmark” and I understand why you hesitated in answering her question. It was very nice of you to make this initial potential collaborative connection. To resolve the questions you have in your own mind at this point, it would be perfectly appropriate for you to:

• Call your boutique friend since you haven’t had a chance to talk to her recently, and it would be perfectly logical to ask what she has been doing, how things are going in her boutique especially relative to the pandemic, and is she scheduling any events. That would allow your boutique owner to mention your candle-making friend. If she doesn’t, then casually ask: “By the way, how did things go with the candle-making friend at the event you included her in last year?” If she indicates it was not a good match, I recommend you politely apologize for making the connection and thank her for her honest feedback. Then change the subject.
• As to your candle-making friend: You made no commitment to call her back and etiquette-wise, you are not required to do so. If and when she calls you again, do not bring up the subject. If she brings it up, your reply could be: “I was happy to make the initial connection for you; however, I hope you understand when I say, I think it is better if I allow the two of you to proceed without my being involved.” Then, once again, change the subject if at all possible.
• Do not beat yourself over the head if this was not a good match. You did a good deed, but you need to remember: You are not responsible for the outcome.