Need some etiquette advice? Dianne Isbell offers guidance for multiple situations
Q. After four months my niece sent me the birthday gift I had sent to her. She had a short note inside saying the top didn’t fit her very well and would I return it. This seems to be a regular occurrence with my niece, so my question is this? Is it in total poor taste for me to include all the receipts with the gifts I send from now on and allow the prices to be seen, or do I have to hold onto them until she (or anyone) decides she doesn’t want the gift and returns it to me and then I have to aggravate myself with trying to return it.
A. It is unfortunate this has become a regular inconvenience for you. Since the gift can be returned with a gift receipt, I recommend you include only the gift receipt from now on and hold onto the actual sales receipt. If it is not possible to get a gift receipt when the gift is purchased, put the receipt inside an envelope, seal it and put the recipient’s name on the envelope and include it in the package. If they choose to look inside to see what you paid for the gift, so be it. The cost of a gift is not necessarily the mark of the value. The value of the gift is determined by the pleasure in receiving it.
Q. We’re planning a little fall neighborhood weenie roast. It is going to be exactly that — roasted hot dogs over the firepit, smores, chips, hot chocolate and hot cider. Some of the neighbors want to bring side dishes but I would like to stick to my guns and keep it simple. Is it rude to turn down the offers from my neighbors and what do I say when they continually call to ask me what they can bring?
A. You are the hostess and the hostess has the authority and the privilege of selecting the menu. Invited guests should never pressure the hostess regarding bringing side dishes. As to what to respond to the person who keeps asking, I suggest this: “I am planning a simple menu and I don’t want you to have to make something this time. I want you to just come, relax, have some fun, play a few games and reconnect with our neighbors while we maintain proper social distancing.” That should be enough said.
How to properly ask for someone’s address
Q. I want to write a thank you note to someone I know who did something really nice for me. The problem is I do not have her address. It may be awkward but I know no other way to get it except to ask her for it. Is that proper?
A. Although there are a lot of benefits which come with modern technology, it has made it more difficult to obtain personal home addresses; therefore, it has made it necessary to ask. To avoid the awkwardness of the request, you could preface your request by saying this: I would like to send you a note but I do not have your home address. Would you please give it to me?