Here’s etiquette advice on how to solve an embarrassing problem for a friend
Q. I have an older girlfriend who I see at church or at the grocery store sometimes and I have noticed that she has some fine hairs growing on her chin and on her neck. My mom used to have some of those and I would periodically use a tweezers to pull them out for her. I don’t even know if my girlfriend knows she has these, but as a friend, I feel like I should tell her, shouldn’t I? I would want someone to tell me when I get older and have this sort of thing. I don’t want to embarrass her or anything, though. What should I do?
A. There is a type of general golden rule that says if there is something embarrassingly wrong with someone and it can readily be fixed without embarrassment or without the person going home by going to the restroom, for instance, you should tell that person and help them fix the problem. That rule pertains to something like for example: You are sitting next to a gentleman at a dinner table and you notice he has a small piece of spinach stuck in his teeth. It is relatively easy for you to lean over and quietly whisper in his ear and tell him. He can then excuse himself from the table, go to the restroom and remove it in privacy; then return to the table.
Visible hairs growing on one’s chin and neck is not something that can be rectified as easily by simply whispering in her ear and she goes to the restroom. And, yes, it is a delicate situation and one which if you were to tell her in public, you would definitely embarrass her. That is therefore not an option because you would not someone to do that to you. Therefore, the best way to approach the situation is to do this: Next time you see her, ask her if it would be okay if you called her later in the day.
If you do not already have her phone number, ask her if she would please give it to you. Then call her as you indicated you would. After general conversation, tell her you do not want to embarrass her, but you felt she would want to know that she has some fine hairs growing on her chin and neck. Be sure to reassure her that this is a normal part of aging for some women and that she has some options to solve the situation: She can use a tweezers and a mirror to pull them out herself , or she can purchase various kits of hair removal creams or strips and use them according to the directions or she can make an appointment with her beautician or salon and have them removed.
Q. I know a lot of people have been getting their vaccination shots, but will we be out of line if we still keep our box of masks at our front door and ask people to wear one if they don’t have one?
A. Being safe and feeling safe is of the utmost importance as there are still people getting COVID. Having masks at your front door to offer to those who do not have one and who would like to come into your home is very appropriate. As a whole, we are all conditioned to understand why we should still continue to wear masks. They, therefore, should not be offended or be upset if you have them available at your front door and offer them as you feel necessary.
Input from a reader
Comment and question from a reader regarding a previous column and an additional question: “Enjoy your articles; just wish there were more. I agree with paying these children to work, gives them an incentive. What is your say on adult people not giving you a call and say, I got your check. I don’t need a fancy card; just a call. Thank you, keep up the good work.”
A. Thank you for your kind words and question: I agree with you that it is far better to receive a phone call from someone to whom you have mailed a check, advising you they have received it rather than waiting for a card and note. The card and note can follow as part of normal protocol.