How to deal with son’s baseball cap etiquette & a rude former college roommate visiting

Q. Our son, who has never really worn a baseball cap, has suddenly decided it is cool I guess to do so. He’s been wearing it after school riding his bike and playing with the neighbor kids. Fine, but we told him there were some etiquette rules he needs to follow, like removing it as soon as he comes into the house, or anyone else’‘s house. He thought it would be okay to wear it to his room, but we’ve been adamant about starting out on the right foot. He said his friends don’t have to take off their hats, blah, blah, not even when going out for breakfast or lunch with their parents. So, his question to us about that was: “Well, what do I do with it?” We made a few suggestions, but he wasn’t really paying much attention, so we thought we would ask you because maybe he will listen to you..

A. Teaching your son at an early age about proper male baseball hat etiquette, and all types of manners and etiquette is very important. It can and does make a difference in his future life and although he may not appreciate your efforts now, hopefully he will later. Yes, he should remove his baseball cap (or any hat) upon entering his home, any one else’s home, a restaurant, a business building, a museum building, a library, a doctor’s office, a theater, or school.

“What do I do with it?”

• If he has a backpack, he could place it in his backpack.
• If he is in a car, simply remove it and leave it in the car.
• If he is wearing an outer casual coat, fold it and put it in one of the pockets.
• If he is wearing jeans, fold it and put it in a back pocket (realizing a part of it will still be visible).
• After removing it to enter a casual restaurant, or a library, with no back back or pockets in which to put it, he should fold it and keep it in either hand until he finds a seat or chair. He can then place it behind him next to the back of the chair or seat. When he leaves, he can pick it up and keep it folded until he is outside again.
• If entering someone else’s home, with no back pack, or pockets in which to put it, he should keep it folded in his left hand, keeping his right hand available to shake hands.
• If outside at an event where the National Anthem is being played, he should remove it and place it over his heart using his right hand.

Q. My college roommate occasionally comes through town to attend a business meeting. I always invite her to stay at my house if it is convenient for her to do so, and if we are in town. She usually does and it normally is only one night. I have always made breakfast for her before she leaves in the morning. Here is what she did the last two times:

• First time: I had confirmed the time with her for breakfast before she went to bed. She entered the kitchen at the confirmed time and tells me she decided she had better arrive earlier for her meeting, grabbed a banana from the counter and darted out.
• Second time: I had made homemade waffles and bacon. She came in and sat down, drank her juice, and started eating the yogurt in front of her as I placed a hot waffle on her plate (the bacon was already on a serving plate on the table). She then tells me she is on a diet, and thanks me anyway, but the yogurt is all she needs. She then pops up and heads out the door. Is that rude or not? I may just have juice, a banana and yogurt for her when she visits the next time. Will that be inhospitable of me?

A. Yes, your former roommate has been very rude and inconsiderate. The next time she visits, before she goes to bed, tell her: “I am planning on having ( ) for breakfast in the morning, unless you would rather than something lighter? Her answer should at least allow you to do the proper planning.