‘Tis the season ... for dealing with Christmas present snafu, family’s re-gifting plan

Q. I have an etiquette question. Rather than buy the normal type gifts for our kids and their spouses this year, we decided to get tickets for all of them to go to Powell Hall with us. I checked on some of the performances and dates and we collectively decided on which night we would attend. We purchased the tickets and I notified all of them of the date — set a time to meet at our house so that we would “car pool” and then have desserts after we got back to the house.

Two nights before the scheduled date, one of our kids calls to say they can’t go. The reason was not really a substantial one. They suggested they substitute their neighbors to take their tickets. (a couple we did not really even know). They said they had already talked to them and they wanted to go. (This was supposed to be a family night.) My immediate thoughts were to invite my parents or my husband’s parents until the part about “had already talked to their neighbors.”

I told them I would call them back. My husband and I discussed the situation. I remembered my parents had been invited to a holiday party with some friends on the night in question, so we decided to invite his parents. My husband called them and they definitely wanted to go with us. We then called my grown child and spouse back. They were irate we weren’t going to take their neighbors, blah blah, and they had already said they would go — how could we embarrass them like that — etc, etc. My husband told them “enough” — that we had paid for the tickets and we would invite whom we wanted and that it was not up to them.

The conversation ended at that point. I fear this subject will come up again on Christmas Eve; therefore, my question: It was our right to invite whomever we wanted to go to this event because we were the ones who planned the event and paid for all the tickets — correct?

A. Yes, definitely “correct”! The neighbors who were invited should never have been extended an invitation without your approval.

Might I add: You might want to have a private discussion with your child and spouse if they do decide to bring up the subject on Christmas Eve and:

• Tell them it is not a subject for discussion. And/or
• Remind them of what is proper and what isn’t with regard to your rightful decision on this subject.

To re-gift or not re-gift?

Q. What do you think about a family making a decision to opt for a re-gifting present for each family member for Christmas rather than a new present. Oh, and do not identify who the gifts we bring are from. Then they will pass out the gifts and there will be some way of “exchanging” if someone doesn’t like what they get. I can’t believe this weird idea. Is this a new thing for Christmas gift giving and I just haven’t heard about it yet? I am wondering if we actually have to participate, or because of our age, we can just observe because I think we have decided “to sit this one out.”

A. It is unfortunate not everyone in the family had a vote in this year’s gift giving decision. I have heard some gift giving ideas like this, or other versions thereof, have been occurring but to a large degree, regular “new presents” are the case. If you “sit this one out,” you will need to advise the organizers as soon as possible; otherwise, you will wind up with a group of re-gifted presents in front of you on Christmas Day.