Etiquette: Christmas eve wedding is not a good idea

Q: I don’t think this is appropriate, but I want to ask your opinion. Our granddaughter just got engaged and she wants to have her wedding next year on Christmas Eve. We’ve already discussed that she probably won’t find a church that will allow the ceremony in the evening, so she wants it at 4 or 5 p.m. so she can have lots of candles, and a reception and dinner after. Sounds beautiful and wonderful, but I think she is being selfish and inconsiderate to think her friends should give up Christmas Eve with family to come to her reception and dinner. I can see attending the wedding itself, and I can see family attending the reception and dinner, but not friends and co-workers. What are your thoughts?

A: I agree with you. However, if your granddaughter has her heart set on having her wedding on Christmas Eve day, I suggest a midmorning wedding with a reception and brunch or lunch following. Guests would then be able to spend their evening by attending church or being with family or with friends. Lighted candles can still be an option for the ceremony and the bridal table for the brunch or lunch.

Q: Please tell me if the custom of relatives NOT giving a shower has gone by the wayside, too?

A: The etiquette tradition or rule of not having an immediate relative (mother or future mother-in-law or sister) host a bridal shower (or baby shower) has not gone by the wayside. Unfortunately, it is a rule not everyone is following in recent years.

The basis for the rule is that gifts are the central purpose of a shower. Therefore, having an immediate family member host the shower gives the impression of being self-serving. This perception definitely is not desirable.

Do some immediate family members ignore this rule? Yes. Do some immediate family members even care if they are presenting the wrong perception? No. Does it make it OK to do so if other showers have been hosted by immediately family members? No. Could an aunt or distant cousin be asked by an immediate family member to host a shower, or if their name could be used on the invitation to host the shower with all the planning and arrangements discreetly done by an immediate family member? Yes. Would the result provide a more proper perception? Yes.

Bottom Line: If you are going to do something, why not do it the right way? It is really not any more difficult to do so and the result leaves a more appropriate impression for all.

This story was originally published December 13, 2015 at 5:18 AM with the headline "Etiquette: Christmas eve wedding is not a good idea."