$75 limit on gifts causes problem

Q: My siblings and I decided this summer to purchase Christmas gifts this year for only our parents and our children. We agreed that $75 per child was the limit. I have three children and each of my two my sisters has two children. My mother tells me my one sister has mentioned that she thinks I should be spending more on both of her two children because she has to to buy for my three. In other words, she is spending $225 versus my $150. I can’t believe it! Besides, I was looking at this like if I find a specific toy that one of her kids has on his list and it normally costs $75 but I am able to purchase it for $50, I would still purchase another gift for him and spend another $25, or possibly more, if necessary. I am looking at the total picture and trying to get the best possible quality gifts for each child. It’s rather difficult, if not impossible, to find the right gift and spend exactly $75. I think a person could go crazy shopping for just a $75 gift.

I have all my gifts purchased for everyone and they are great gifts. All were on sale so the value of each gift is much more than $75 per child. I’m thinking that once she sees the gifts, her children receive from me, she’ll be happy and get over it. My question to you is: Do you think I should call her and try to sort it out before gift opening time?

A: With Christmas only a few days away, it is not necessary for you to call your sister. You might, however, mention to your mother all the bargains you got on your gifts for her children. Then on Christmas Day, after the presents are opened and she can readily realize the value of the presents her children received, you can mention how happy you were to be able to find some great sales for the gifts her children had on their lists. Hopefully, there will not be any further discussion required and everyone will be happy.

Q: In a bridal party, which is closer to the bride in the procession down the aisle? Is it the Matron of Honor or the Maid of Honor? Or does it matter? My sister and sister-in-law are going to be in my wedding. I also have two other college girlfriends who are married and will be bridesmaids. My sister is not married, so as I understand wedding protocol, she would be the Maid of Honor and my sister-in-law would be the Matron of Honor, correct? And I think the Matron of Honor comes down the aisle last or just before me. My problem is that I don’t want to give the impression I am slighting my sister. Can I switch the order of them or is that a certain faux-pas?

A: Wedding etiquette or protocol dictates the Matron of Honor as the more important position and the one who walks directly in front of the bride (unless there is a flower girl and a ring bearer). If you choose to have both, a Matron of Honor and Maid of Honor, you cannot switch their order in the procession. However, they can share in the key duties during the ceremony. For instance, both can straighten the bride’s train, as necessary, as the bride makes turns or moves to another position during the ceremony. The bride can hand her bouquet to either one at the appropriate time, and the sister can be delegated the responsibility of lifting the veil, if the type of veil requires lifting.

The resolution to your problem is this: Since you have two other married women as attendants, these two AND your sister-in-law can be identified as “bridesmaids.” Your sister-in-law does not have to be identified as a Matron of Honor. Your sister, then, as the Maid of Honor, would hold the “ranking” position, and proceed down the aisle in the closest to you. Your sister-in-law could then hold the first position of the three other attendants, and she would precede the Maid of Honor in the procession.

This story was originally published December 20, 2015 at 3:54 AM with the headline "$75 limit on gifts causes problem."