‘I told him he was on my bucket list’: Couple proves romance is possible at any age

Nettie Hoyt and Bob Sutter have decided that “At Last” should be their song.

The couple dated in 1951, broke up a few days before Christmas and went 64 years without seeing or speaking to each other. They rekindled their romance last May.

“I think it was meant to be,” said Bob, 84, of St. Louis. “My wife’s been dead for over 10 years, and I never dated or looked for anything. When (Nettie) contacted me, it was like ‘Wow!’ She’s a good person, and we get along.”

Nettie also is widowed. She sent Bob a letter after finding his address on the Internet. He called, and they met for lunch.

“I told him he was on my bucket list,” said Nettie, 84, of Lebanon. “I wanted to see him before I died, and I wanted to tell him how I felt. I didn’t know if he cared, but it didn’t matter. I cared, and I wanted him to know it.”

Nettie had always felt bad about the way they parted. She turned down his marriage proposal, thinking it would interfere with her goal of finishing college and becoming a schoolteacher.

“She broke my heart,” Bob said in a recent interview, bringing tears to Nettie’s eyes.

But the retirees aren’t dwelling on the past. They’re having too much fun. They go to movies and restaurants or just hang out at home. Bob has been helping Nettie clean out her garage and basement.

Last summer, the couple spent a week in Florida with Nettie’s sons, Matthew and Clayton, and Matthew’s family.

“Bob’s a great guy,” said Matthew, 47, a computer specialist in St. Louis. “I really enjoy him. He’s got a good attitude. He’s a can-do person. He looks for solutions, not problems, and I like that.”

Nettie is wearing the diamond ring that Bob bought her in 1951 — he kept it all those years — but they’re not engaged.

“At our age, it’s complicated,” Bob said.

Moving to Lebanon would require him to sell his home and give up a part-time job that he loves at a golf course. Moving to St. Louis would separate Nettie from her many friends and activities. Both have children and grandchildren.

“We’re happy,” she said.

A ‘good-looking broad’

The former Jeanette Thornley lived in Belleville and Murphysboro before moving to Lebanon at 14. Her father died, and her mother got a job as a cook at McKendree College.

“First, we had one room and then two rooms, and we shared a public bathroom,” Nettie said. “It was a dormlike situation.”

Nettie was attending McKendree when she met Robert Sutter, an East St. Louis native who did payroll at a U.S. Army finance center.

A friend had invited Bob to a Saturday night dance at O’Fallon Community Park. Bob noticed a “good-looking broad” who seemed unattached, so he introduced himself.

“When the dance was over, I said, ‘Can I take you home?’” he recalled. “And she said, ‘I don’t go home with strangers.’ And I said, ‘I’m Bob from East St. Louis. We’re no longer strangers.’

“She still didn’t let me take her home, but she did give me her phone number.”

The pair quickly started dating. They ate at Fischer’s Restaurant in Belleville and the Wagon Wheel in East St. Louis. They enjoyed movies and bowling. They saw Woody Herman and The Herd at Collinsville Park.

“One weekend, I went to see (Bob) play in a band,” Nettie said. “He played saxophone.”

A few days before Christmas, Bob proposed to Nettie at his parents’ house. She said “no,” and he took her home.

“To me, it was a rejection,” he said. “Right after that, I joined the Army and got sent to Korea. I never corresponded with her, and she never corresponded with me.”

Bob married Wanda Thompson in 1953, and Nettie married Eugene Hoyt in 1955. Each had two sons, Terry and Robert Sutter Jr. and Matthew and Clayton Hoyt.

Nettie taught elementary school for 38 years. Bob owned a finance company for 17 years and later did financing at car dealerships.

“All I could hope for was that he was happy,” Nettie said. “The one thing I didn’t want was for him to be unhappy. But I felt sad for me.”

Nothing to lose

Bob’s wife died in 2005 after a long illness, including severe back pain that required him to pack her in ice at bedtime. Nettie’s husband died in 2014 after years of diabetes and respiratory problems that put him in a wheelchair.

Nettie told her old college friend, Joan Barnes, about Bob over lunch one day.

“She said she never really forgot him, even though she had been married and had children and had a successful career,” said Joan, 84, of Belleville, a retired schoolteacher. “I said, ‘Contact him!’ What do you have to lose?’”

Nettie found Bob’s address by Googling his name. She also learned that his wife was deceased.

Son Matthew, who lives near Bob, knew something was up when Nettie asked him to drive her by his house — twice. Eventually, she told him about her long-lost love.

“At first, I was surprised,” Matthew said. “I wasn’t really expecting things to go in that direction. I just figured Mom would ride into the sunset with her friends. She had a good social life.”

Nettie decided to contact Bob by letter. He called the telephone number she provided, despite not recognizing the name. He had known her as “Nettie Thornley,” not “Jeanette Hoyt.”

“He said, ‘I’m not sure who I’m talking to,’” Nettie said. “And I thought, ‘He has Alzheimer’s!’ And I said, ‘Bob, we were almost engaged at one time.’ And he fell silent, and he said, ‘Are you Nettie?’ And I said, ‘Yes, I am.’”

The two met for lunch at Bella Milano in O’Fallon. Bob brought Nettie a red rose.

“We were overjoyed to see each other,” she said. “When we were walking out to our cars, he asked if he could kiss me, and I said, ‘Yes, of course.’”

Since that time, Bob has driven to Lebanon about three times a week to visit or pick up Nettie. At home, he reads while she works puzzles. Both like to watch “Jeopardy.”

The couple returned to Bella Milano for their six-month anniversary. At Christmas, Bob gave Nettie her ring, which he had kept in a drawer for more than six decades.

“We realize our time is precious, and we are going to make the very best of each day,” she said. “Thankfully, we’re both in pretty fair shape.”

Joan is thrilled that her friend followed her advice and took a chance.

“She seems so happy, and they seem so well-matched,” Joan said. “They enjoy the same kind of music, and they go to The Hett. He’s very good to her, and their adult children are very accepting.

“What’s so important about this is that it tells people that romance never dies. You can find love no matter what your age.”

This story was originally published February 13, 2016 at 3:20 AM with the headline "‘I told him he was on my bucket list’: Couple proves romance is possible at any age."