Metro-East Living

Future in-laws want guest list changes

By Dianne Isbell

Q: I received a wedding guest list from my fiance’s family some time ago, and we sent out the “save the date” cards. I’m getting ready to mail out the invitations, and my future in-laws say they want to remove some of the names, for various reasons, such as they said they would not be coming anyway, or they are “at odds” with a couple of people on the list. I don’t think that is the proper thing to do, is it?

A: No, it is not proper to remove names from the guest list for the wedding after the “save the date” cards have been mailed. Those who have indicated they may not be able to attend still deserve a formal invitation. You never know if there circumstances have changed to enable them to now be able to come. As to those your future in-laws are “at odds” with: this is your wedding and you are not “at odds” with these individuals. Therefore, they should receive an invitation. If they accept the invitation, they should be treated as welcomed guests by everyone.

Q: At what age should a young girl wear makeup?

A: While parents may have different answers or rules regarding this question with their own daughters, etiquette experts feel lip gloss may be permissible between 12 and 13; light lipstick and foundation for special occasions like dance recitals, piano recitals, school parties, etc, at age 13 to 14; foundation, light makeup, light lipstick and blush, 14- to 16-year-old; full makeup (but not heavy) for 16- to 18-year-old.

Q: Our 15-year-old daughter has been invited to a slumber party to celebrate her girlfriend’s 15th birthday. The birthday girl has indicated she wants money for a gift. I do not believe in giving cash at that age. I am thinking about a gift certificate to one of her favorite clothing stores instead. Your opinion, please.

A: I agree with you. Good idea.

Dianne Isbell is a local contributing writer. Send your etiquette questions to Lifestyle Editor Patrick Kuhl, Belleville News-Democrat, P.O. Box 427, 120 S. Illinois St., Belleville, IL 62222-0427, or email them to