No, I am not going to tell you how I am going to vote in 2020 election, so don’t ask

Q. We must have the nosiest neighbor. If I am outside working in my yard, it seems like she thinks that is the time to come out and “talk” to me. I understand she is lonely and with the COVID situation, she doesn’t get out very often, and I don’t mind chatting with her but for the last few months, all she talks about is the coming election. That’s okay, too, but she keeps asking me who I am going to vote for and I don’t think that is any of her business. I think she just wants to know if I am a Republican or a Democrat. I am losing my patience, and sense of humor. What is a nice way of telling her I am not going to tell her?

A. Perhaps this will help: One of the specifics I cover when teaching my etiquette classes includes topics not to be discussed at your job, while dining with other than family, while waiting at the doctor’s office or with your seatmate on an airplane, for example. “Politics” is definitely one of those topics, and for what I feel is a good reason: It can be an emotional subject because strong personal feelings and opinions get involved and disagreements, often heated, result.

As a matter of fact, the situation can get really ugly, quickly. Regretfully, unkind words are said and friendships can be permanently damaged. Therefore, I would suggest you politely say: “Politics” is a subject etiquette experts recommend you avoid discussing and I agree with that philosophy.” Then change the subject.

Spare me the ‘Honey’ or ‘Sweetie’ remarks

Q. I think you have had other readers write to you complaining about being called “Honey” or “Sweetie” but I am so sick and tired of being called that when I am transacting business in certain places. What the heck is that all about? And what can I and you do to get it stopped! I think it is demeaning, rude and disrespectful to say the least! It seems to occur in face-to-face conversations rather than telephone conversations. Can I reproach the individual when it occurs?

A. Yes, I have had many letters, emails and personal discussions regarding this subject. And, I, too, have been on the receiving end of such comments. Reproaching the person in public is rarely acceptable or a good idea. It can occur, however, if nerves have reached the explosion point. As to what you and I ca do, here are some options:

• Rather than reproach the individual on the spot, try instead to have an inconspicuous and discreet conversation with the manager before you leave. If the manager is not available or the conversation would have to take place in front of the specific employee, take the time when you get home to call and express your feelings and concerns to the manager, or
• Take the time to write a letter to the manager expressing your feelings and recommend that he or she provide training to their employees on this subject. Recommend employees be told to use “Sir”, or “Ma’am” or “Ms _______” or “Mr._______.

You could also write a letter to the corporate office to recommend this subject be included in training programs for all employees.

• Even though it might be an option to make a comment on the business’ social media, do not.