You may be close to a molestation victim
Molestation charges filed again Donte A. Bohanna, 37, of Shiloh, created the usual range of emotions, including outrage and dismay. Police said he spent years molesting a male family member, and Bohanna is HIV positive — meaning the abuse could have had lifelong physical consequences for the young man he is charged with abusing for so long.
If there’s one positive note, it is that the young man told police he was tested and is not HIV positive.
On to the outrage: Bohanna must be a monster. How can he abuse someone for so long and get away with it? Why didn’t anyone notice his dysfunction? How long until the victim becomes an abuser and the cycle keeps repeating?
Most of the assumptions behind those statements and questions are off base. Just as we saw with the priest sex abuse scandals, abusers are so much more than just evil presences. They are complex, active in our lives, trusted — until they aren’t.
Numerous national studies have shown one of every six boys will be the victim of sexual abuse by age 18. That means Bohanna is not alone, and it means your son or grandson is not safe.
So what do you do?
First, educate yourself. The potential for it to happen or to have happened to someone you know is great. They can survive as healthy, happy adults, or they can have serious problems. While many abusers were themselves abused, victims are in no way condemned to become abusers.
Second, be careful about judgments. Boys can’t always avoid the abuse, prevent it or just get over it. This is not just some kind of “gay thing,” any more than rape or molestation of a girl or woman is a “heterosexual thing.” What you say to a victim can do serious harm, so, again, educate yourself before you speak.
Third, if it happens in your life, get the professionals involved whether they be in mental health fields or criminal justice. Don’t put it past anyone to be capable of abusing those you love, including those you love.
This story was originally published March 16, 2016 at 2:00 PM with the headline "You may be close to a molestation victim."