My son is attending a homecoming dance. Can you please provide some etiquette tips?

Q. Our son is going to his first homecoming dance. He has invited one of the girls in his class and she has accepted. My husband and I have been giving him little tips on proper behavior and etiquette, but we are not sure he is actually listening. I am sure there are other parents facing this same thing. Perhaps if you were to cover some of the general etiquette rules, our son and others may be more inclined to pay attention.

A. How exciting: The first homecoming dance. I totally understand what you are saying. Here are some of the basic etiquette points for your young gentlemen son to review to make certain he and his date have a fun evening and keep her parents as comfortable as possible having their daughter going out with him, possibly for the first time.

Before the Dance

Prior to the dance, he should:

• Make certain he has purchased all the necessary tickets for the event, including photograph photos if they are offered.
• Find out if the school has specified a dress code requirement for the dance such as tuxedo, suit, or white shirt and tie. If none is specified, he needs to make the decision as to what he is wearing. NOTE: As soon as he makes the decision as to whether he is wearing a tuxedo, suit or shirt and tie, he should ask his date what color dress she is wearing and if she would like him to coordinate his cummerbund and tie with her dress color.
• Go get measured as soon as possible if he has decided to wear a tuxedo and select the color of the cummerbund and bowtie to match her dress. If he needs shoes, he can order them along with the tuxedo.
• Decide to either purchase a suit or wear one he already has if he has decided to wear a suit. If he needs a new suit, he should shop for one as soon as possible because he may have to have alterations which may take a few days or a week. If he decides to wear a suit he already has, he should check to determine if it needs to go to the cleaners. Along with the suit, he needs to make a decision as to whether he is wearing a white shirt or colored shirt to match his date’s dress. Once decided, he needs to make certain he has it or must purchase one.
• Make certain he has dress shoes to wear if he is not wearing a tuxedo. He should polish them or if he needs new shoes, he should purchase them as soon as possible.
• Ask his date whether she would prefer a pin-on corsage or a wrist corsage. He should ask her if she has a favorite flower and what color flower she would prefer. He orders the corsage in plenty of time to be able to pick it up the day of the dance.
• Make a decision as to whether he wants to take his date to dinner before the dance, and if so, he should ask her as soon as possible so she can plan her time schedule for the day. He should tell her which restaurant he has selected and the time for which he would like to make the reservation. If she accepts his invitation, he should make the reservation as soon as possible.
• Willingly discuss photo opportunities and times for both parents before the dance and adjust his time schedule for the day accordingly. This may include photos of him with his parents; then photos at his date’s home, sharing those photos with his parents, or going back to his parents’ home for photos of the two of them there.
• Schedule a haircut appointment for several days before the dance.
• Clean up his car, inside and out, if he is using his own car, and have a full tank of gas in it. If he is using his parents’ car, he must do the same.
• Make certain he has enough money to pay for their dinner, possibly valet parking, tips, and whatever else may arise the night of the dance.

The day of the dance

For the actual day of the dance, he should:

• Make certain he has all the tickets needed for the evening.
• Make certain he has her corsage in the car.
• Carry a clean handkerchief in his pocket in case she needs to use it.
• Have an umbrella in the car just in case.
• Arrive on time at his date’s home the day of the dance.
• Shake hands with his date’s father, maintaining eye contact, and addressing his date’s mother with “good evening.”
• Tell his date how beautiful she looks.
• Hand the corsage box to his date and if it is a pin on corsage, allow her mother to do the honors.
• Allow his date to pin on the boutonniere she has for him.
• Provide a sheet of paper or 3 x 5 cards to her father with the following information: His personal cell phone number; names of his parents and their cell phone numbers; itinerary for the evening, including the name, address and phone number of the restaurant; names and phone numbers if there is another couple riding with them in his car; the license plate number of the car he is driving; name, address, phone number if they are planning on attending an after-homecoming party; reconfirmation of the time he will have their daughter home; review the information on the sheet of paper/cards with her parents, being sure to confirm the time he will have her home.
• Smile and have fun taking the photographs
• Shake her father’s hand again as they depart, assuring him he will keep his daughter safe
• Open the car door for his date not only when he picks her up but throughout the evening and assist her as needed as she gets in and out of the car
• Walk next to her rather than in front of her
• Drive safely and observe speed limits; wear seat belts
• Maintain his good manners throughout the evening, including allowing her to decide what she would like for dinner; getting her beverages at the dance; being attentive to her and not spending an inordinate amount of time with other school mates; helping her to be seated at dinner and at the dance; dancing with her as much as she wants; helping her with a sweater, coat, shawl, or cape if she has one
• Schedule their time at the dance and/or after party to make absolutely certain to get her home at the time he promised
• Walk her to the door and thank her for a great evening
• Not leave the front door until she is inside and shuts the door.

This story was originally published October 8, 2022 at 9:30 AM.