Should neighbors drink wine while they hand out Halloween candy this year?

Q. Our neighbors have had a Halloween party for several years. My husband and I have been invited each year via a cute little Halloween-themed invitation that they deliver to our house themselves. They also have borrowed a couple of our tables and this big round tub for apple bobbing. Sometimes it is on Halloween or sometimes it is the day before depending on what day of the week Halloween falls on.

So, they called and asked if they could borrow the usual items, and of course we said they could. But we have not received an invitation like in the past. One of them has always brought the invitation over by now and then asks to borrow the items. Then several days before the date of their party they just call and come over to get it when they see we are home.

So we need some advice as to what we should do to find out if we are invited or not. We don’t think we should “assume” we are invited, and besides, we don’t know when it will be and maybe they are cutting back or something. Should we just call them and ask or go over to their house and ask if we are invited or not? What if they say we aren’t invited this year?

A. Interesting. No, it is not a good idea to “assume” anything; however, it is doubtful they would call and ask to borrow the items they have been borrowing each year if they did not intend to invite you, or if they were upset with you for some reason. It sounds reasonable that they just forgot or got too busy to bring you the invitation. Or, since you said it is one of them who brings over the invitation, perhaps each one thought the other already did so.

I would suggest this: Call them and ask if they knew yet when they were coming over to get the items for their Halloween party. Then, after you get that answer, you might say:

“Oh, by the way, did you print up some of those cute invitations again this year?” If the answer is “yes” without the phrase “Didn’t we give you one?”, then,

“No, we didn’t seem to get one this year, and if you had to cut us from your list, ….”

By that time, I would bet you a blizzard you will be interrupted with, “I’m so sorry, of course you are invited. I thought we had brought one (the invitation) over. Yes, we definitely want you both to come. Again, I apologize.”

Your response is, “Oh, great, we always have some much fun at your Halloween party.”

If they did cut you from the list this year because of some reason – although I can’t imagine why they would do that – then you politely say, “Oh, that’s fine. I understand.”

Q. We usually host a Halloween party every year and invite all the neighbors within a couple of blocks around our house.

This year, however, my husband has a business trip during that time frame, and we won’t be here. We felt the people we normally invite should know we aren’t having our party this year so we called each one so they could accept other invitations or host a party themselves.

We did that and one of them called back and said that “everyone was disappointed” and they were wondering if they could use our house and have a party like always because none of them had as much room as we did.

I couldn’t believe my ears! I thought it was a joke and that’s how I at first responded. The response came back saying they were serious. Then I said something like oh we couldn’t do that and miss our own party. My question is, that wasn’t very proper of them to ask us that, was it? Should I/we have actually considered allowing that?

A. No, that was a very improper question. No, you do not need to feel guilty about the response you gave and the way you said it.

Q. We moved to a house in a cul-de-sac this spring and have gotten to know our new neighbors. One of them decided we should all sit in the center of the cul-de-sac and pass out Halloween candy this year instead of from our front doors. Oh, and we could bring wine and cheese or soda or whatever kind of snacks we want.

It is my personal opinion that I don’t think we should be drinking while passing out candy to little ones, especially because I like to get close enough to really see the costumes and talk to these kids, and I don’t want them to be afraid if they smell alcohol on my breath or if there are parents who come with the little ones can smell liquor on my breath. Should I tell the organizer or should I just not mention it and let them do what they want and I do what I want?

A. I agree with you that wine and alcohol of any kind can wait until after the trick-or-treating is finished. I do suggest you tell the organizer how you feel about it. Perhaps the thought just didn’t occur to that person. Hopefully, there will be a new notification out shortly to “cut the wine and alcohol.” By the way, good for you!