Is it ‘new manners’ to return a gifted sweater after its been worn and its tags removed?

Q. What would you do if you gave a teenage grandchild a sweater for Christmas and she said she really liked it – even tried it on in front of the entire family?

Now, she comes over to my house and gives me the sweater and says she really does not like it and “maybe you could get me something else.”

She had no tags and it is obvious she wore it a couple of times. I couldn’t believe it and was basically speechless. She then said she had to go and out the door she went.

Is this the “new manners” of today? I don’t want to make a fuss by mentioning it to her parents, but I obviously cannot take the sweater back. She stops by now and then and is a delightful girl, normally well-mannered, so I am not certain what I should tell her the next time she comes by. Your advice please.

A. No, this is not the “new manners” of today.

This appears to be a case of your granddaughter just not thinking. I would suggest you explain to her when she comes for her next visit that you ask her to sit down for a minute so you can explain something about the sweater. Then matter of factly and not disapprovingly, tell her, “I am sorry, but it is impossible for me to return the sweater I gave you for Christmas unless you have the tags and …. Besides since you have worn it several times, I hope you understand that it would really not be right to return it.”

Then tell her again how everyone really thought it looked very nice on her, and give it back to her, saying, “I hope you will try wearing it again.”

And remember, if you receive a piece of clothing as a gift, and it doesn’t fit or is not the right style for you, it is better to speak to the person who gave it to you as soon as possible, explain the situation, thank them for giving it to you, but ask if you could return it for something else.

Hopefully, that will be all that is necessary and she will have learned a lesson from her kind and loving grandmother.

Q. If we are having some friends in for dinner, I would like to have everyone leave their cell phones in a basket at the door so that we are not interrupted during the evening. What would be the best way to pull this off?

A. You may not appreciate my response; however, I do believe you said this is an evening with adults and not children; therefore, I do not feel it is appropriate for you to ask your adult guests to leave their cellphones at the door.

This is why: Adults carry a cell phone for adult reasons. For example, they may be on-call with their job. They may need to be available if they should get a call from their babysitter, or from an elderly parent; or from a business partner, colleague or patient.

Regardless of why they carry a cellphone or not, it is their choice or decision to do so, and I am certain they will not abuse the privilege of bringing it, nor use it unless it is absolutely necessary.

It is, therefore, inappropriate for you to treat them as children or try to control them.

Q. We had a holiday party and many of our guests brought hostess gifts. The gifts ranged from flowers, homemade bread, homemade cookies, boxes of candy and a book.

I would like to write a note thanking my guests for coming and mention how much I appreciated their hostess gift, but most of them did not put their names on their gifts.

I don’t think there is a proper way of asking them what they brought when I call them, is there? Shouldn’t they put a note on their gift or in the bag when they bring it? Like I might want the recipe for the homemade bread or cookies?

A. Yes, it would be nice if your guests added a little note or card to their hostess gift; however, no, there is no proper way of asking them what they brought when you call them to thank them for coming.