A piece of food falls on the table cloth or on your napkin. Can you still eat it?

Q. This is really embarrassing when it happens, but if I have a piece of meat fall off my plate onto the table, can I pick it up with my fork or fingers and put it back on my plate and then eat it?

Or if it falls on my lap, or my napkin, can I pick it up with my fingers and put it on my plate to eat it or can I just quickly pop it into my mouth?

A. This is embarrassing when it happens, but it does happen to everyone at some point, whether you are at home or eating at some formal dinner.

Dealing with the situation quickly without drawing unwanted attention is the best way to handle this situation.

Whether it falls on the table or on your lap, it should be returned to the edge of your plate and not eaten.

Using your fingers to do this is less conspicuous than trying to stab it with your fork. Use your napkin to wipe your fingers – again without making it a big deal.

Q. I like fresh mushrooms like in my salad but don’t like cooked mushrooms, so if I order chicken or something that has a sauce with mushrooms in it and forget to tell them not to include them, is it OK to sort of scrape them off to the side of my plate?

A. It is proper to very inconspicuously slide or scrape the mushrooms to the edge of your plate – not all at one time – just a few at a time, which happen to be on or near the bite you are about to bring to your mouth.

Do not attempt to place them on your bread and butter plate or onto the edge of your coffee cup saucer.

Also, the less you say about the situation the less unwanted attention you will receive from your tablemates.

Q. I’ve heard that if someone brings you a cake or a casserole, you should make something for them and put it on their plate or casserole dish, like cookies, when you return it.

I recently got remarried, and my husband is from the South. While visiting with them recently, we were talking about various subjects and this came up.

This is what they do, but I have not heard that this is an etiquette rule of what we are supposed to do in this area.

A. This is a very interesting subject, and the answer, believe it or not, varies depending on where you live and the more specific interpretations of etiquette rules associated with that area or the cultures or backgrounds of the individuals who live there.

As a matter of fact, this subject could be an entire column!

The “Southerners” (with a drawl) for instance, are known for their more genteel expansion or interpretation of most all etiquette rules.

Therefore, having said that, they would definitely add the cookies or perhaps a box of candy or a carton of fresh strawberries, along with the handwritten note, when returning the plate or the casserole dish, unless the original food item was given as the result of a death in the family, or to someone with an extended or severe illness.

In this area, with people of many cultures, whether or not a food item is included varies and depends on the customs of the culture which have been passed down from one generation to another.

The bottom line: If possible and financially feasible, include a food item, homemade or store-bought, along with the plate or dish – again unless it is as a result of a death in the family or an extended illness.

Q. If I am seated next to someone I really don’t know at a business dinner, and I see that they have a particle of food on their shirt, tie or blouse, am I supposed to tell them about it and if so, how do I do it?

A. The answer is “yes” because if it were you, you would want someone to tell you, and it is something that is “fixable.”

Here is how to properly tell the person: Put your napkin up to your mouth, slightly lean over, and very quietly say, “Excuse me, I think something has dropped onto your shirt, tie or blouse.”