When you have foot odor, but the host wants you to remove your shoes. What to do?

Q. I have a foot-odor problem, and I am doing everything I possibly can to get rid of it. To solve part of the problem, it would be easier to throw away every pair of shoes I have ever worn, but instead I am trying to treat the shoes and that takes a lot of effort. Anyway, whenever I go to my one girlfriend’s house, which is a lot because she hosts our card club, she asks everyone to remove their shoes. I then feel self-conscious the rest of the night because I think I can smell my feet and I fear everyone else does, too. Would it be crazy if I call her ahead and ask if I can be exempt from her rule?

A. First of all, it is impolite for your girlfriend to ask you or anyone coming into her home to remove their shoes, but it would not be appropriate for you to bring that to her attention. Anyone entering someone’s home during inclement weather such as rain or snow, should have the courtesy of offering to remove their shoes.

What I would suggest in your particular situation is this: Bring a pair of house slippers in a zippered shoe carrier. When you get inside the door, remove your shoes, put on your house slippers and place your shoes in the shoe carrier and zipper it shut. If there is any odor, it should remain inside the shoe carrier, and you can enjoy your card game and the social time with your friends.

Q. My neighbor is fixated on a certain subject about another neighbor, and I have heard the same story over and over. I am out in my big front yard a lot tending to my flowers and almost try to run away when I see her coming because I know I am going to hear the same story over and over again. The worst part is I feel I have to stop gardening while she speaks to me. It is not uncommon for her to stand there for 15 or 20 minutes. What can I do without being a total jerk?

A. As soon as she starts with the same story trigger words, politely but emphatically say, “Oh, yes, I remember you telling me all about Jane and what she did. How inconsiderate.”

Then quickly change the subject to the weather, the flowers, the lawn – anything to divert her mind onto another subject, even if it, too, is not your favorite subject.

Q. If I am sitting at the lunch table with others for a meeting and the water pitcher is in front of me, can I stand up to pick it up and refill my glass because I know it is going to be too heavy for me to pick up sitting down and pour without spilling it, or can I ask the person next to me to be kind enough to refill my glass?

A. I have a bad left shoulder, so is it proper for me to stand up to pick up the water pitcher to refill my glass? It is considered polite if you also offer to refill your neighbor’s glass on your left while you are standing.

Q. I have noticed waiters serving water glasses at other tables in a restaurant where I am dining and they are sitting down the glass with their fingers cropped over the rim of the glasses. This really freaks me out because this is an easy way to spread germs. Fortunately, I have had different waiters who did not do this, but what should I do if this happens to me?

A. You are definitely correct in that this is not the proper way to serve a glass of water or iced tea. I have had this happen to me and when it does, I look up at the waiter and pause, say, “Excuse me,” and then wait until he or she comes closer to me and I then very quietly and politely say, “I’m sorry, but it is not proper for you to touch the rim of the glass when you serve it. Could you please bring me a different glass?”

Q. If I am invited to someone’s home for a dinner party, and I am freezing to death because it is so cold in their home, do I dare ask for a sweater or shawl?

A. Yes, you may ask to borrow a shawl or sweater, but do not preface your request by saying you are “freezing to death” because that is insulting the hostess’ hospitality. Instead be polite and say, “For some reason, I am feeling a bit chilled tonight and I forgot to bring my sweater, could I please borrow one of yours for a little while?”

Q. My son has almost missed the school bus several times already this year, but the bus driver has been kind enough to wait for him to come flying out our front door. I would like to do something nice for him but I don’t even know his full name. I thought about writing a letter to the school mentioning “the driver of bus Nr _____” but decided not to do that for fear of getting him in trouble if they are not supposed to wait. I’m thinking about a little box of homemade cookies. Would that be OK?

A. Yes, a little box of homemade cookies with a note on top thanking him for waiting for your son, but also adding that you will ensure he is more prompt in the future then making that prediction come true.

Q. I know this subject was really taboo years ago, but is it ever proper to ask someone what sexual persuasion they are?

A. No, definitely not.

Q. If someone mispronounces my last name, do I correct them? If I correct them, and they still don’t get it, do I correct them again?

A. Yes, but the second time, preface it by saying something like this: “I’m sorry – I am not speaking clearly – it is _________.”

This story was originally published November 17, 2024 at 6:00 AM.