Here’s a driver’s test for more experienced drivers
Growing up, some of my best daydreams came on standardized test day at school.
My attention span drifted after I sharpened my two Number 2 pencils.
Lack of focus. Anxiety. Daydreams. I felt them all on test day.
Even when prepared, rested and confident, there was that voice in the back of my head saying, “You’re doomed, Dummy.”
I was a fairly smart kid. Good genes. I learned what I wanted to learn. But the way my brain worked was anything but standardized.
I was reminded of my text anxiety a few weeks ago when I took the written driver’s test at the local Illinois Secretary of State office to renew my driver’s license.
I know how to drive. The driver’s test is not difficult. No studying is required. I passed the test, first try. Still, in the back of my head, pre-test, there was a voice in my head that told me it would be embarrassing when I called my kids and said, “Hey, come get me at the DMV. I flunked. They took my keys.”
I passed the vision test, too.
And for the first time since I was age 16, I used my correct height, weight and hair color on the license.
I expected to pass the driver’s test. But I was anxious nonetheless. Test day. All worked up over nothing. Again.
I felt like there could have been a few additional questions on the driver’s test, for a veteran driver with kid-like focus who drives a little more Mr. Magoo than Steve McQueen, Starsky or Hutch.
Driver’s Test for More Experienced Drivers
Answer True or False (Only one answer to every question, please. No write-in answers, either.)
- When a red light turns green, it’s OK to wait several minutes at the intersection to be sure all cross traffic has passed and be sure the light is not malfunctioning.
- I should turn on my blinker at least one-half mile in advance of making a turn.
- When I see an old friend on the side of Mai Street, it is permissible to stop my car in the middle of a street momentarily, honk and yell out the window, “Hey. Great to see you, Old Timer. You lost?”
- Under adverse conditions, it helps visibility to turn down the volume of my car’s radio.
- I have earned the right to drive in the left lane, at any speed, for as many miles as I choose.
- It’s OK to have my bright lights on when it’s not dark, dusk, dawn or raining.
- By law, it is loitering to walk around the Target parking lot for 15 minutes to find my parked car.
- Once a grandchild’s car seat is installed in the backseat of my car, it is a permanent fixture and cannot be removed.
- I have earned the right to park my car or truck in two parking spots.
- You must give experienced drivers a minimum of two hours to parallel park a car on a main street.
- I can drive through the restaurant’s or bank’s drive-through lane in reverse if I forgot to take the pen or packets of catsup.
- While driving a vehicle, I must speak loudly enough to be heard in the next county because the heater or AC is on full blast.
- When my cell phone rings, I can stop wherever I am in the roadway and answer it because it might be an emergency, my doctor, or one of my kids or grandkids needs me right now.
- I don’t need to have my proof of insurance in my car because I will never find the card when I need it anyway.
Answer: “False” was the correct answer to every question. No “maybes.” No “back in my day” stories, either.
