Consider these etiquette tips for the ideal Thanksgiving dinner
Q. My in-laws are coming for dinner on Thanksgiving and this is the first time they are coming to our house for a real sit-down meal other than the barbecues by the pool this summer. I want to have a perfectly set table and use some of our wedding presents and some of the nicer things my grandmother passed on to me. There will be six of us because my brother and his wife are coming also. I have a couple of questions:
I have some silver stemmed wine glasses that were my grandma’s and I have some really beautiful crystal stems that were wedding presents. Is it proper to use both or should I just use one type? I’ve heard some people do not like to drink red wine from a silver vessel. Is there a restriction for putting red wine in a silver stem?
A. It is perfectly acceptable to use silver along with crystal. As a matter of fact, it adds more elegance to your table. There is no restriction on serving red wine in a silver stem. There are two points to remember: if you polish the silver before use, do not use a strong or nasty smelling polish. Perhaps a polishing cloth would be better. If you do use a cleaner, be sure to wash with mild dishwashing liquid, and rinse several times. To make certain there is no aftertaste, fill the stem with water, let it set for a few minutes and then taste it. To make sure the silver does not have an effect on the taste of the red wine, also try tasting a sample from the silver stem and also from a crystal glass. If there is a difference, then switch the silver wine stem to a crystal wine glass.
Q. My in-laws like red wine and my sister-in-law likes white, so we are going to serve both red and white (wines). Do I need to have two separate glasses for each person?
A. Although the guest who normally drinks or prefers red wine, there are times when that guest may decide to drink both during a meal; therefore, I would suggest having two wine glasses per person: The silver stem for the red wine and a more cyclendrical crystal stem for the white wine.
Question about glasses at the table
Q. I am going to have water and iced tea. I am planning on having the water already pre-poured in a stemmed water glass, and have iced tea ready to pour for anyone who wants it, so I thought I could keep those stemmed glasses ready in the kitchen, fill each glass individually as requested and bring to each guest, or should I have another glass already set at each place setting, whether it is used or not? Or should I use a tumbler for the iced tea instead of a stemmed glass?
A. With only six guests at your table, you should have enough room at each place setting for this second stemmed glass (goblet) for iced tea. I recommend two stemmed glasses gobets rather than using a tumbler for the iced tea. I think of a tumbler for more every day use; not a special dinner in the dining room. The two goblets at each place setting do not have to be matching crystal actually, which is a recent trend. Having the two goblets already on the table, saves you time away from the table and your guests because if all five ask for iced tea, you will be making three trips back and forth from the kitchen.
I would suggest having a serving-quality (crystal) pitcher filled with iced tea ready in the kitchen, as well as a serving quality crystal ice container filled with ice. As your guests proceed to the buffet area, ask each one if they would like iced tea; go to the kitchen; get the ice container and tongs; fill the appropriate glasses with ice and then go back to the kitchen; get the iced tea pitcher; fill the appropriate glasses (1” from the top). (By the way, just before asking your guests to enter the dining room, you should have placed ice in the water goblets and water up to 1” from the top). Return the pitcher to the kitchen and refill. By that time, you should be next in line to go through the buffet line and take your seat.
Tablecloth needed? Yes.
Q. I am going to have all the food dishes set up on a new glass top piece of furniture in my dining room which has a wine rack below. Even though all my serving dishes would look pretty on the glass top, I think I need to put a tablecloth on it, correct?
A. Yes, a beautiful tablecloth, perhaps a solid color linen, or color matching the tablecloth on your dining room table, would be appropriate, not only aesthetically but also for protection of the glass. I also recommend you have some beautiful trivets or hot pads pre-placed for hot dishes.
Cranberry salad question
Q. My mother-in-law likes this special cranberry salad for which she gave me the recipe. With all the hot food which will be on the dinner plates, I am wondering if I should put some of this salad in a separate dish of some kind so it doesn’t melt and run into the other foods on a dinner plate? And if I do, should I use a stemmed crystal sherbet glass or a china salad plate or a small china dessert bowl? Should I then pre set this salad at each place setting or should I have them already filled on the buffet table or should I just have a separate dish available on the buffet and each person has the choice of using it or not?
A. I like the idea of having a separate dish for the cranberry salad, or any salad actually. If you or your guests are like me, you do not like gravy running into your salad. Some hostesses prepare more than one salad, and guests go through the buffet line for salads first as a separate course. Since you are having one special salad, a crystal stemmed sherbet glass or a small salad plate with lettuce and the salad, pre-set at each guest’s place setting would not only be beautiful, but it makes it easier for your guests going through the buffet line, to be concerned with only one plate of food to get back to their seat rather than trying to fill a salad plate, or grab a stemmed sherbet glass and carry both back to their seats.
When to dessert
Q: My family usually has pie and coffee some time after the meal rather than with the meal and that is my plan, but in case someone wants coffee with their meal, do I also need to have a cup and saucer on the table or just keep them in the kitchen?
While everyone is letting their meal settle and are in the family room watching football or just relaxing, I will the clear the table and get prepared for the “dessert round.” Normally everyone sits where they have sat before and use their same napkin and stemware, except I empty each glass. I add coffee cups and saucers and clean silverware. I’m not sure that is proper etiquette to use the same stemware?
A. I recommend you follow your traditional family plan of having dessert later; therefore, no coffee until dessert and no coffee cups on the table. I do feel, however, you should use fresh clean cloth napkins. They do not have to match the tablecloth and they do not even have to be the same color. As a matter of fact, a different color than those you used for dinner will add a fresh touch to your table. I would also suggest clean stemware if at all possible. Going back to a table with a goblet in front of me with my lipstick print at the top is not very appetizing for me or the other guests. Again, you can use different crystal goblets or even glass goblets and “voila” you have another new look.
Candlesticks, place cards
Q. I have some beautiful candlesticks that also were wedding presents which I would like to use. We are eating at 4 p.m., can I light the candles? I will also have some on the buffet table, along with a small Thanksgiving decoration.
A. Now that the time has changed, if it is relatively dark at 4 p.m., you may light the candles. If it isn’t dark enough, save the lighting for dessert, which will be lovely, and once again adds a special look to your table especially if you can dim your chandelier.
Q. I am going to have place cards. My plan is to put my husband’s mother to his right and his dad to my right; my sister-in-law on my left and my husband’s brother on his left. Does that seem proper?
A. It is proper; however, rather than have two males and two females next to each other on the same sides of the table, I would recommend your brother be seated to your left and his wife seated on your husband’s left.