My Christmas wish list from golf lessons to an improved St. Louis Cardinals lineup

Dear Santa,

It has been a long, long time since I last wrote you.

More than 50 years ago. I was a child. You were the same old, white-haired guy.

I’ve caught you.

That was a generation ago, back when I had a Pistol Pete Maravich poster on my wall and believed that my new P.F. Flyers actually made me run faster, jump higher.

As a parent, I learned more about your Santa Claus magic first-hand.

So why am I writing you today, at my age?

Bored.

Blame the virus.

And looking for some Santa Magic.

There are people who need you more than I do this holiday season. Take care of them, first. Gifts have taken a backseat this COVID 2020 season.

My just-for-fun gift list is short this year. I don’t have hobbies. I’m not a tool guy. Not comfortable traveling yet.

Here goes, if this only was a more normal holiday season:

• Sure, I’d take a few sports bobbleheads. A Willie Mays or Roberto Clemente if you can find one. Check eBay. Amazing what you can find.
• Another hitter for the Cardinals. A middle-of-the-lineup guy who doesn’t strike out much. Two good hitters, if you have an extra that’s unsigned.
• How about some hope that we’ll get to see some baseball games at Busch Stadium this spring and summer — in person.
  
  
• A Quik Trip close to my home? Please, please.
• Let’s have some hockey, too. Saturday nights are empty without Blues’ hockey.
• I am an ATT U-Verse customer, so as I write this letter, I’d really like to get Channel 5 back on my TV.
• New underwear and socks are always under appreciated but always needed.
• Gift cards are good, too. I spend them fast before I lose them.
• I could probably use golf lessons, or maybe a 3-wood that I can hit straight. Better stick with tees and golf balls.
• Please, nothing that involves a password. I have too many passwords. I remember when my only password was the combination to my school locker. I had a heck of a time remembering it, too.
• And I have enough gadgets to keep me confused for another year, thank you.
• I can always use good books. I prefer biographies and non-fiction. Funny. If it never happened, I’m not interested in reading about it.

My days as Santa’s Helper

You may remember this story. Many decades ago, I was Santa’s Helper in downtown Belleville, near the public square, for a newspaper column. It was a fun, memorable experience. I’ll never forget when I put on those fake white whiskers, and they were wet around the mouth and chin from the previous Santa’s Helper. Yuck. I gargled with Hydrogen Peroxide when I got home.

I’ll always remember the kids’ eyes when they looked into Santa Helper’s eyes.

I have thought about those wet whiskers every holiday season since, whenever I drive by Santa’s House at the public square in downtown Belleville. It’s not open this year, due to COVID. That’s one of the things I miss most this weird holiday season — no lines of children and parents waiting to see Santa’s Helper. Maybe next year.

A great gift would be to have a burger and beer at the bar, head to a wedding reception, and be able to watch the sold-out Blues-Blackhawks game on the TV in the lounge. Maybe in 2021.