Should I have taught my niece a lesson for using Christmas gift money on boyfriend?

Q. My niece lives with my mother. Long story but I try to give her (my niece) a break, at least when I can. Once again on Christmas Day I couldn’t see myself doing that. Over a month ago, I gave her money to buy a Christmas present for my mother. Yet on Christmas Day, as my brother and his wife, my husband and I and my mom and my niece sat down to open Christmas gifts, it was soon obvious there was no present from my niece to my mom even though we all had presents for my niece. I was steaming but held my tongue. After we were all finished and had had dessert, I followed my niece into her room and confronted her about the Christmas gift for my mother. She said she spent the money to buy a present for her boyfriend and that my mother told her not to buy her anything any way.

Needless to say, I was livid at this point so I told her she would either go out and apologize to everyone for what she did or I would take the gift back my husband and I had given her and return it to the store. You got it; she totally refused to apologize to anyone about anything. So when it came time for us to go home, I picked up the pair of special boots she wanted so badly that we gave her and headed for the door. As she got up off the couch and was about to open her mouth, I announced: “Oh, I’m so sorry these boots didn’t fit you; I will take them back and hopefully get a bigger size for you.” On the way home, I told my husband what had transpired and he was glad she had not agreed to come out and apologize in front of everyone because it would have been quite embarrassing. Would it have been or would it have taught her even more of a lesson than just taking the boots back?

A. I cannot answer as to whether it would have taught your niece a lesson or not, or if what you did will teach her a lesson, but I can say I think it would have been quite embarrassing and uncomfortable for everyone which is not the appropriate situation to create when attempting to teach someone a lesson.

Q. My grandmother enjoys cooking a big Christmas dinner without any help from anyone else. So even though I would like to make something and bring it to her dinner, if she says, “No thank you” do I make something and bring it anyway?’

A. No, you do not. Abiding by her wishes is the proper thing to do.