Here are tips for handling potentially confrontational COVID-related situations

Q. I have a couple of questions regarding how to properly handle some COVID-related situations. I would appreciate your advice.

• The weather has turned a lot warmer and my young son has been invited to a friend’s birthday party. It is scheduled to be outside or in a large facility in case of bad weather. The invitation says to please wear masks. Would I be out of line if I called the mother and asked if they are going to be doing any kind of checking when the kids arrive as to whether they are feeling sick, or if anyone in their family currently has COVID, or is on quarantine; how many children are coming; what kind of things/games they are going to be doing and if so, will they be kept 6 feet away and if the parents themselves have been tested or have had it, etc.
• If I am out shopping and someone is walking near me or getting close to me and that person does not have their mask pulled up over their nose, what should I do? Can I ask them to pull up their mask?
• If I pull up to a gas station and there is another car getting gas just across from me on the other side and that person is not wearing a mask at all, can I ask them to put on a mask?

A. Thank you for your questions. It is very important to be extremely cautious when it comes to COVID and yet polite at all times. Here is what I suggest regarding your questions:

The Birthday Party

Yes, by all means, you should not feel uncomfortable calling the mother to talk to her about the birthday party and ask her your questions. When you call her, you might want to start out by saying something like, “This is ... and my son (give his name) is so excited about being invited to your son’s (give name) birthday party. Thank you for including him. I was just wondering if you could tell me a little bit about how you are handling the COVID safety precautions and restrictions?” This then allows her to provide information and answers to your questions without your having to ask each one. After she is finished, if there is something she has not addressed, then politely ask her.

If after all this, you feel comfortable with the information she has provided, you can make your decision as to whether to allow your son to attend or not. You can say: “Thank you for all the information. I know he (your son’s name) will have a great time.”

If you are not ready to decide, you can say: I would like to make sure my son understands everything and then I will call you back.”

Out shopping

It is very wise to be aware of the proximity of others when you are out shopping so that you and others are following the social distancing requirement and definitely the mask requirement, including having the nose covered. When I have found myself in this situation, I stop and step back or move away from the individual approaching me who does not have his or her mask covering their nose.

If I cannot do this, I either stop until this person passes me or moves away, or at least I try to turn my back to the individual. If, however, none of these actions are possible, I politely say, “I am sorry, but your mask has slipped down and is not covering your nose.” Note that I don’t just say: “Your mask is not covering your nose,” but I say, “Your mask has slipped.”

By saying the latter, you hopefully will not be giving this person the impression that he or she is purposely violating the rules. Instead, hopefully this person will then automatically respond by apologizing and pulling up the mask to cover his or her nose. However, If you receive a nasty or very negative, confrontational response, do not and I repeat DO NOT, engage in any further conversation with this person — just move away from this person as soon as possible.

The Gas Station

This is not an unusual situation. If you have the time to wait until this person has finished filling up and gets into his or her car, do so. If you do not, get out, wearing your mask, and as you approach the pump to remove your gas cap, if this person is within the 6 feet of you, very politely say: “Oh, I am sorry, you have forgotten to put on your mask — I have a problem remembering that myself when I get gas.”

The last phrase: I have a problem should remove any impression that you are criticizing or chastising this person in any way and he or she will apologize and immediately put on a mask. If the situation turns “sour,” just get back into your car and wait until this person leaves. Or, if there are available pumps on the other side of this station (as many gas stations now have), move to another pump away from this person. After all, remember, it is not worth a confrontation or worse.