Etiquette advice involving person asking about a divorce & an inconsiderate friend
Q. What kind of response do you give to some nosy, rude person who you thought was your friend who asks you why you got divorced? I walked away from her, but I wanted to tell her it was none of her business. What if I had?
A. While I totally agree it was definitely rude of this person or anyone to ask you that question and, while you would be justified in telling her it was “none of her business,” you are to be commended for not doing so. You were also justified in walking away from her, but a better response perhaps would have been to say: “I would rather not discuss it,” and then walk away.
An inconsiderate friend and a gift card
Q. I had a friend give me a gift card to a restaurant as a thank you for doing something very nice for her. A couple of weeks later, she called me and asked me to meet her at a mall and help her pick out a new outfit to wear to an upcoming wedding of a co-worker. So after two hours of watching her try on a zillion dresses in a bunch of stores, she buys three of them to take home and make a final decision. By this time it was almost lunch time and we happened to be close to the restaurant to which she had given me the gift card. She said why don’t we just have lunch there? I really like the restaurant so we went to the restaurant and were seated. She ordered some wine so I did, too. We ate and when the waitress came and asked if we wanted separate checks or one, she pops up with, “Oh, she’s got a gift card to use.” I was going to use that gift card to take my mother there for lunch the following week. I had already asked her to go. I couldn’t believe my friend (ex-friend) said what she said to the waitress. I was totally dumbfounded and I must have had that kind of look on my face.
I quickly got up and excused myself to go to the ladies room. I was so upset. I debated about whether I should use the gift card, or tell her we would be splitting the bill, or catch the waitress and tell her to make it separate checks and that is finally what I decided to do. My friend (ex-friend) was checking her emails or whatever on her cell phone, so she did not see me pay the waitress for my lunch plus a very nice tip. I then asked the waitress to wait a few minutes and then go tell my tablemate that I had to leave, had paid her for my lunch and hand her the bill for her own lunch. I went straight to my car and drove home. I have not answered any of her calls or texts and I do not intend to. One of her messages on my phone was that she couldn’t imagine why I left so quickly and was I upset about something and if I was, what was it?
I don’t think I owe her any kind of explanation if she can’t figure out why I was upset and left. Even if I told her, she probably still wouldn’t get it and would have some demeaning comment to me about how I shouldn’t have reacted that way and how I owe her an apology. It “ain’t” happening and I hope you agree with me.
A. Yes, I agree with you. As you said, even if you explained it to her, she still wouldn’t get it. Block her phone number, and enjoy your upcoming lunch with your mother.