Belleville News-Democrat columnist offers etiquette advice on delicate subject
Q. I have a very delicate question. I have a widowed lady friend who is up there in age. She is so very nice and very shy. We have been friends for a long time and go out to lunch now like we used to before COVID. I know you are supposed to tell someone about something that is wrong with them that is fixable, like a button open or a hem that is turned up. Well, my friend’s eyesight is definitely not good and I don’t think she knows that she has little hairs growing below her chin and on her neck — something that often comes with older age. I know she wouldn’t like it if she knew because she is very conscientious about how she looks and her hair. My daughter always lets me know if she ever sees some on me and gets the tweezers, and I have my hairdresser wax my face and neck once a month. She doesn’t have a daughter who lives near. So, my question is, should I tell her about it and if so, how should I tell her? I do not want to offend her or upset her.
A. Yes, it is a delicate subject concerning a problem facing many women as they find themselves in those “Golden Years.” Even if these women have husbands, they normally do not see them. Therefore, it is up to daughters, beauticians or girlfriends to help them solve the problem. As to what to do, it is the old question of: If this were me, wouldn’t I want someone to tell me? The answer: Yes.
So how do I tell her? Here is a tactful suggestion:
Next time you are at lunch together, you might just start the subject with something like this: “Getting older is always a challenge, isn’t it? I am always checking for new wrinkles and trying new wrinkle creams. I am also always checking for those little hairs that grow under my chin and my neck. They are so hard to see. I have my daughter check when she comes over and she will pull them for me with tweezers and I now have my face and neck waxed every month when I go to my beautician to get my hair done. Some women don’t get them, but I am not one of them.”
Hopefully, this will get a response from her such as, “I don’t think I have that problem, do I?” That is your opportunity to say, “Well, I would just ask your beautician to check for you when you go to get your hair done this week. If she sees some, you can ask her to wax your chin and neck.”
If she does not respond at all, you can say: “I just feel a lot better when I have my beautician check and have her take a few minutes to apply the wax. It is not expensive and It doesn’t hurt, I always bring a little makeup with me to reapply before I leave.”
Then change the subject. You have “planted the seed” so to speak and I am certain she will take the necessary action even though she may never bring up the subject.
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From a reader: I wish anyone who decides to shoot off fireworks in a residential area understands how traumatic fireworks can be for pets. My dog literally shook for hours Thursday through Monday nights as soon as he heard the first loud “BOOM”. My husband and I took turns holding him to help him get through it. That’s not fun!