Chocoholic finds comfort in chocolate after dental surgery
“I need chock-wut,” I told the cashier. “Dove dawk chock-wut, if woo got it.”
The gauze in my mouth made the words come out funny, but the cashier understood what I was saying.
“Did you check the candy aisle?” she asked.
“I checked there foost,” I responded.
I then explained I’d just had dental surgery and needed chocolate to calm my nerves.
“We hear all kinds of stories,” she said. “But that’s a good one!”
Not as good as the bag of Dove Promises I finally found in Aisle 3. Scurrying back to the car with my bounty, I heard my cell phone ping.
“How are you doing?” my husband texted.
“Better now,” I texted back.
Thinking I’d be funny, I snapped a photo of myself with gauze sticking out of my lips and the bag chocolate held up to my face. Something told me not to hit the Send button.
My name is Michelle and I am a chocoholic. Maybe I should be embarrassed by this but there are worse things in this world. An example would be someone who is addicted to vanilla — now that would be really sad.
I have gone to bed with Oreos and sipped hot fudge through a straw. I once attempted to eat cocoa powder straight from the can. FYI: Do not try this at home.
If you think being a chocoholic is weird, I would ask: What’s your addiction?
During my years as a feature writer, I interviewed people obsessed with everything from Tabasco sauce and garage sales to fast cars and strappy sandals. Of all the addictions in the world, my chocolate addiction is pretty tame. I don’t smoke. I don’t gamble. I don’t drink to excess.
I just eat brownies. Lots of them. And wash them down with chocolate milk.
“Michelle, please don’t run any more dumb photos with your column,” my husband said, the morning my column was due.
Seriously? The man had just crawled out of bed, saw me on my laptop and had a premonition a dumb photo was coming?
“You must have ESP,” I told him, “because a really dumb photo IS coming. Well, it’s not really dumb. It’s more tongue-in-cheek.”
I probably should have said, “Gauze-in-cheek.” Now that would have been funny.
