My grown grandchildren make more than I do. Should I stop giving them money?
Q. When and “if do you stop giving money to grown grandchildren who make more money than you do”?
A. Yes, grandmothers do stop giving money to grown grandchildren who make more money than their grandmothers. It is perfectly proper. As an alternative to giving money, the grandmother can choose to continue to send or give a birthday card, Easter or Christmas card. If she is able, she can make lunch or dinner or a cake or cookies for her grandchildren and she can do that at any time. It does not have to be on or for a special occasion other than she wants to spend time with her grandchildren and maintain a close and loving relationship. Some families mutually agree to stop giving money to their grandchildren when they graduate from high school, or college, or reach a certain age such as 21, or 25, or when they get married. Or, it can be a decision made by the grandparent at any time they choose to do so.
Q. We bought a birthday present for my son’s little cousin a few months back because we saw something we knew he would like and it was on sale. However, when we get the birthday party invitation, it requests donations to a charity instead of bringing a gift. It is not a toy my son likes and we can’t take it back because it was on final sale. So my question is, can he still take the gift to the birthday party or do we have to give a donation to the charity instead or do we have to do both — give the gift and give a donation to the charity as well? What is the proper thing to do? I don’t want my son to be embarrassed or chided if he takes the gift and no donation.
A. I suggest you call the mother of your son’s cousin and explain you bought what you think is the perfect gift and it was on final sale. Tell her you are planning on sending the gift with your son to the party if it is okay with her. If it is the only gift brought to the party, she can have her son open it later if she thinks it will make the other guests uncomfortable. The amount given to the charity, however, should not be a subject of discussion at the party. I do not feel it is necessary for you to make a donation to the charity in addition to the gift.