Verbal, text, or handwritten thank you’s? BND etiquette expert has the answer

Q. Our family had a big discussion on Christmas Day about thank you’s for Christmas gifts.

This is what we talked about:

• Gifts exchanged by family members on Christmas Day? If a verbal thank you is given, isn’t that enough?
• Christmas gifts received in the mail from family members or others? If a phone call is made upon receipt, or a text is sent, or an email is sent, isn’t that enough?

I am the oldest in this group — the grandmother — and I told everyone I think it is still proper to handwrite a thank-you note when receiving a Christmas present, whether it is given to you in person, or mailed. That is what I continue to do.

To say everyone agreed with me would definitely NOT be the case. My children said they feel if they give me a verbal thank you at the time they receive their gift, then that is enough. They also said they felt if they call, text, or email, when they get a gift in the mail, then a written thank-you note is definitely not required. My grandchildren were too young to understand what we were discussing, but I think it is important for them to start writing thank-you notes as soon as possible so it becomes a habit.

I would definitely appreciate your opinion.

A. Even though we are now in a world of texting, texting, texting, emailing, emailing and emailing and speaking to each other less and less, it is never improper to send a handwritten thank-you note after being given a gift from someone or anyone — family member, friend, colleague, boss, or neighbor. That is whether you have given a verbal thank you or not. There are those who will think actually writing a thank-you note of any kind is old fashioned and not necessary — that in today’s world, a verbal thank you, a texted thank you or email is enough. I have even heard the word “redundant” used if someone hand-writes a thank you.

My bottom line

Calling, texting or emailing someone to let them know you have received their gift is definitely appropriate. However, following up with a handwritten thank-you note is always in good taste. It is always appreciated and never in bad taste, and is definitely not “redundant.”

Sending a handwritten thank-you note is the sign of a very caring, well-mannered and refined person. A handwritten thank-you note makes the recipient feel special and very appreciated. It leaves a lasting wonderful impression of the person who takes the time to hand write a thank-you note.

I definitely agree children should start writing thank-notes as soon as possible.

Contents of the thank-you note

The thank-you note should specifically mention the gift itself and why you like it, appreciate it and/or how you are going to use it. This is particularly important if the gift is money.